Dominion
by Don'tChaseWhat'sGone
Summary: Kakashi Hatake meets all the requirements befitting a Hokage. The strength of ten men, the respect of a village, and unwavering dedication. The toll it takes on unexplained relationships is a different story.
1. Reconsider

"I would reconsider this Hokage thing if I were you."

"What if you finally crack under the pressure?"

Muffled sounds of acknowledgement prompted the open discussion further.

"I'm not saying you would be horrible at it. But you are kind of a slacker when faced with responsibility. I just don't see it."

Anko Mitarashi stared fiercely ahead, resting her forehead against the windowpane. The night was mild, tranquil as ever in the village of the Leaf. "Maybe Naruto can dive right into the role. He's always wanted it, hasn't he?"

Rustling of paper suddenly forced her back to reality, head snapping to the side.

His nose was buried in that explicit novel, blatant disregard for anything other than. _How long had she been talking_?

"Kakashi, you casual asshole!" She glared, accusing tone and all, "Did I really just waste my breath this whole time?!"

He stretched out comfortably across the bed, not loosing hold of his book. "No, no, I heard some of what you were saying."

"I'd kick you out if this were my place."

"Sorry," Kakashi apologized robotically, not meaning one syllable. "You sound distressed. Maybe lie down for a while."

Anko briefly turned her back to him, admiring the view from above. It was nice to be at peace. Everything was so quiet, nothing unusual nowadays.

Their source of light being a combination of dying candles, a dim lantern, plus the whiteness of the moon. She slowly moved toward the bed, relying on senses besides eyesight.

He remained as still as a statue, feeling the spine of the book slide upward and out of reach.

She disposed of it to the floor carelessly, ignoring his protests.

"Now aren't I more interesting than a fictional universe," Anko answered for them both, pressing her mouth to his left cheek.

Kakashi expected nothing less from the Mitarashi, supporting her body as she leaned into him. "You _were_ listening, so you'll do what I said, right?"

He held back against her tantalizing kisses, using his arm to drive a wedge between them. "I can't turn this down, Anko."

Through the darkness, he could see she had stopped in her tracks. Probably thinking of another way to patronize him.

"Why not?" She wanted to hear a good reason, because she hadn't thought of many. "you can."

"Do you doubt my leadership?"

Anko fell silent, the noise of their breathing occupying the air instead. She knew her version of the truth might unintentionally wound him.

"Not really, I.." She trailed off, turning to the edge.

Kakashi sat up then, propping himself up with one elbow. "I'm listening."

She broke under the pressure of his direct attention, growing flustered. "Nothing but bad things happen to the Hokage."

"Nothing bad should happen to me."

"It might, and I think you know it. You're choosing ignorance."

Cool fingers touched her shoulder, a gesture that was an attempt to calm her down. "I appreciate your concern, Anko. Your worries come from a good place. It's a way of showing how much you care."

Shocked at his overall analysis, she closed her eyes and tried to understand. "I urge you to not worry about me. I'm quite capable of looking after myself. I have a will to protect this village and everyone in it. The war completely changed my mindset."

Anko glanced over at him, unable to get a reading from his face. She obviously knew who he was referencing. His old teammate, Naruto, the Fourth, people who meant something to him.

"Also.. Naruto is still too young to accept such a title. However, I would like to be the one who passes it on to him."

 _Maybe I could have witnessed some of this heroism had I been conscious_ , she thought bitterly. Comparing her sins and troubles to his, the fact was that he had been through a lot worse. Those he loved were mostly dead, but then again, her family was gone too. His students no longer needed him. He was no longer a mentor. She entertained the possibility of there being some other reason he was hesitant to become Hokage.

It wasn't like there was some bond of trust linking them, so she didn't demand to know his darkest secrets. He was a private guy; she could respect that. She wouldn't want to dig up any painful memories regarding his past.

"You're real proud of those brats, aren't you," Anko kicked off her sandals, noticing the gleam in his eyes when he spoke of Team 7. Especially the two boys.

"I suppose," He shrugged.

"You know, when I lead a team of my own, they're gonna kick ass. So don't go thinking yours is the best. I just haven't had the chance yet."

Kakashi seemed amused, smiling beneath his mask, "You'd be comparing two different generations so it wouldn't really matter anyways."

"Shut up, Hatake," She slapped his hand down as he bent over to retrieve the book. "I know you're going back and forth about this, so just talk about it before I get pissed."

"Honestly, I've never given it a second thought. You're the one conflicted here."

Anko visibly wilted, failing to sway him. Her blessing was not given. "Do you think you'll be happy?"

Kakashi unstrapped his metal headband, gray bangs falling unevenly. "I do. I'll be fine."

She could tell she was tiring him out mentally somehow, so it was time to temporarily forget it. "Well then, I hope you know once you become Hokage we won't see each other any more. I wish you the best in loneliness and solitude."

"Don't be like that," He reassured, "I'll see to it that you're one of my _closest_ advisers."

Anko blew out the flickering candles, allowing her eyes to become acquainted with sheer darkness. "And if I refuse?"

He let her pull him in, their midnight routine brewing. "Then I'll have to ask you to reconsider."

* * *

A/N;; I'm on a high of ideas.

Before writing this, I was like.. Who do you even pair Kakashi with? Why is he so badass? Anko is badass, and I could see them having some sort of relationship. And it's pretty hard to navigate around that mask lol. I don't even know what he would look like. Just what is he hiding. Haha, anyways, tell me how it was~


	2. Stigmatize

"Survivors," He crouched down, "there are none nearby."

Anko hugged the ground, focusing on locating any vibrations. "You may be right."

The other Jōnin inhaled sharply, concentrating on scent. "My Sharingan would have been better suited to handle this situation."

She stood, making a quick mental note of their surroundings. "Miss it already?"

"It'll take getting used to, that's for sure," Kakashi closed eyes ridden with bags, shadowed with exhaustion. "anyway, it was something that was never mine to begin with. My normal vision is nothing special."

"You were great with it, though. It's weird to see you without it."

"I _see_ less without it," He almost seemed sick with grief, right before shifting moods. "One thing I won't miss is the way it drained me. It's nice to look with both eyes again. From the same perspective."

Anko gazed up at the sky, stars preparing to light up the night. "Being average isn't too bad. Promise."

"I have to count on the hounds or my own sense of smell now," He reopened them, "it's different."

"Aw. You're still special, poor baby," Anko extended her arm to him, "we should get back. It's pointless to continue searching right now."

Kakashi accepted her hand with his gloved one, yanked up from the sitting position. "Ow."

"What are you doing out here in the first place? You're not even halfway recovered." She scolded loudly, maintaining a slow pace alongside him. Mere weeks since the war came to a close, everyone pitched in to reconstruct. It would be a while before a new sense of order could be established. They found villagers, most already dead, but some in critical condition. He impressed her, always having the spirit to save those in need if it was an option. And when they came up empty, he would get up the next day and lead the next search party. Maybe it was a guilty conscience thing, she mulled it over stoically.

 _A young, vibrant kunoichi sprinted down dirt pathways, never lucky enough to discover a shortcut. She just had to make it to the training grounds by three. Hopefully they wouldn't start without her. Orochimaru would be wondering where she was. 'Man, you have the biggest crush on him!' one of her teammates teased, 'and you're the **clear** favorite, for some reason'. She ended up denying that passionately. Wasn't typically late to something so important. _

_"Go on somewhere, Guy! Or you're gonna get it!"_

 _Anko Mitarashi heard scuffling around the corner, followed by more yelling._

 _"You get out of here, Tokara! Or I'll be forced to get rid of you!"_

 _She peered cautiously from a distance, barely recognizing the building they were in front of as the Hatake residence. Adorning the windows, she saw blood red spray paint that read vicious accusations._

 _"What's going on here!?" Anko intervened when rocks were exchanged, clinging to her knapsack. "Stop fighting! Someone might get hurt!"_

 _Guy pointed a finger at Tokara and his friends. "They have vandalized a property! And not just any property... Even if he is my rival.. Someone is about to get hurt! This isn't the way to show support!"_

 _She took a closer look at the graffiti then. 'Friend Killer Kakashi'. 'Murderer'._

 _"What ugly words to write! They could be rumors!"_

 _"We all know it's the truth," He threw the can down, "the guy's a cold-blooded killer. I'd look out if I were you, Guy. Spend too much time with him and you're next."_

 _"You do not know Kakashi! He would never hurt his teammates! Right, Anko?"_

 _She bit her lip, not knowing how to really side. The rare encounters she had with Kakashi weren't much to judge off of. A little impolite, not the warmest person to be around. However, he didn't strike her as a crazed serial killer. "I... I don't know."_

 _"I heard he just let Obito die," One of the kids added, "let him get crushed by dozens of huge boulders!"_

 _"And now Rin," Tokara crossed his arms, "A guy like that should be stopped before he kills any more comrades!"_

 _Guy, furious by that point, whipped out a kunai. "Spreading lies is unacceptable! This is your last chance to get lost!"_

 _Anko stared in awe, staying silent after Tokara and his gang retreated. She had never seen Guy stand up to anyone like that. Not even when they insulted his father._

 _"You can't possibly believe them. You know he isn't like that!"_

 _"Rin was my friend," She whispered, remembering all the hate trashing the Hatake name._

 _"He is of no fault," Might Guy insisted, hurrying to pick up the garbage around the home. "I know because.. he's_ _ **my**_ _friend."_

 _"Really? Even after he beat you during the exams?" Anko asked incredulously._

 _"I'm hard to bring down," He reminded her, determination fueling the Genin. "so anyone who can do so has my respect! He's the one who pushed me to become stronger! I'll compete with him to the very end! One day, he will face a proper defeat at my hands. But until then.. we'll remain friends and steadfast rivals. So we must watch out for each other."_

 _Moved by his sentiment, she nobly chose Guy's side. If someone like him believed in Kakashi's innocence, she couldn't allow rumors to rattle her. The kid was a lot of things, but not a liar. It had to hurt knowing the whole village was aware of your life story, much less having no privacy._

 _"Help me," He rushed back and forth, frantically trying to find something to wipe paint off with._

 _"What?"_

 _"My efforts have all been in vain if Kakashi sees this! Quick, help me clean it up before he gets back!"_

 _Anko hesitated, "But.. My team is waiting for me and-"_

 _"Forget it then!" Guy was still visibly upset, done with convincing. "you aren't a real friend. To me or him. Real friends protect each other from getting hurt!"_

 _"We'll need water," She said after wasting time with inner contemplation; scrounging up some rags and a bag for litter, she went to work, scrubbing hard at the graffiti. Specifically the word, 'Killer'._

* * *

A/N;; I wanted to thank you all for the support. Your reviews are what keep me going. Pretty short because.. this chapter was all flashback. Surprised at the low volume of Kakashi/Anko stories. Yeah.. Tokara's a little punk, lol. I'll try to get another update in before next week. ^^


	3. Hot-Blooded

"Why stop here?"

"It's on the way, so I don't see what you're complaining about."

"I don't wanna. It's late, I'm tired. Let's go."

"You can go home! Or you can shut up."

Genma Shiranui exaggerated a crestfallen sigh, having to hold the senbon in two fingers to achieve the sound he wanted.

"You shut up."

Anko knelt in front of the infamous Memorial Stone, squinting at the engraved names carefully.

"Hm," He slouched lazily with both hands in his vest, "depressing place."

"It's important to remember those who have passed," Her stare landed on Hayate's name, "you know that."

"I know that," Genma echoed, nervously fiddling with the tool hanging from his mouth. He muttered around it to form words. Avoided eye-contact.

It turned out to be very likely that they had completed their last mission under the Fifth. Even though moonlit sky fell upon them, and they should be catching up on rest, Anko couldn't tame frenzied thoughts. She knew everything was about to change, possibly in a dicey way. Nobody could be sure of what would happen. The headstone represented something of stability to her.

"I can't seem to understand.." She tightened her grip on the concrete. The thought of change never sat well within her mind. "The Leaf with so many new leaders in what feels like a short time frame."

"It's kinda been years, but whatever," He mumbled on purpose, "Tsunade's practically an old woman under that guise."

"So you won't care when she's gone as Hokage?"

"I'll miss her rack, but that's about it," Genma jested, appreciating the reaction.

Anko's jaw lowered, "I cannot think of a more disrespectful thing to say at a time like this! You just called her an old woman!"

"Hey, no disrespect intended, it's a compliment," He defended his wisecracking, "truth is, Konoha needs a younger leader. Kakashi fits the bill, but let's face it, he's nothing to look at."

Sneering at his hypocrisy, she returned most of her attention back to the memorial.

 _Obito Uchiha_.

Anko rubbed her fingers along the print, shivering slightly as she rose upright again. The climate proved temperate, but it almost seemed cold where they were. The standard attire of a vest and full coverage were rare for her, but they donned the same uniform; Genma didn't look the least bit bothered by the chill, so it must have been imagined.

"Obito was one messed up dude," He concluded at last, breaking the unwarranted silence between them. "see the trouble he caused for all of us. Even as kids, I could tell living in Kakashi's shadow really bugged him. Saying he'd become Hokage one day? Talk about sweet irony."

She noticed that everyone had their own unique theories on why Kakashi Hatake was the way he was. Usually his former teammate played a huge role in determining the personality. Maybe it wasn't too far off. Formulating one-sided ideas were a lot easier than getting to know the guy behind the mask. Even she didn't know him well enough to decide which answers felt rumored or true. But she wouldn't freely admit to it. They were close on another level, not to mention picking apart someone's entire persona was a different story. She couldn't confidently steer everyone in the right direction because it was a mystery she hadn't solved. _Was it worth solving_? She couldn't explain his behaviors or attitudes, no matter how much she thought about him. Which was a lot. So that left others to their own deducing, which inevitably came out more judgmental. Living through such a tragic past, he was bound to be hiding something.

 _"Care to join us?"_

 _He wore the picture of skepticism, hinting towards a clear no. "Actually, I was just on my way out. It's nice to see you guys all in one place."_

 _"This may come as a shock to you, but we **are** in the same place more often than not," Anko relayed swiftly, "being from the same village, you know.."_

 _He hardly looked as if her sarcasm offended him._

 _"Please join us, Kakashi!" Guy pushed in an effusive manner. "Let us catch you up on our lives!"_

 _"Later would be a better time," He procrastinated, truthfully having limited interest. "thanks for the offer, though."_

 _"Jeez, what a prick," Anko shook her head in disbelief as he exited the restaurant._

 _Asuma frowned, disapproval evident in his gaze, "Anko, don't say that. Kakashi is part of the ANBU now. I'd say free time in that organization is nonexistent."_

 _"Okay, so?" She leaned over the table, picking at the food apathetically. "Acting like he's better than the rest of us. Who cares? Fuck. Doesn't give him the right to blow us off like that."_

 _"I believe he is a very misunderstood guy," Kurenai said gently, "I feel sorry for him. He must feel so alone."_

 _Guy nodded solemnly, "He has isolated himself even further from us. Sadly, I cannot follow his way of thinking."_

 _Anko selfishly grabbed numerous leftover_ _sticks of dumplings, throwing her share of money down. "Whatever the situation, he's the one sinking himself faster. Not our lives. Not our place to tell him how to grieve... or whatever it is he's got going on."_

 _"Try to have more sympathy for a friend," Asuma contended, "maybe we don't know everything. It's not easy to express yourself in this kind of situation."_

 _"Yeah yeah, I'm leaving now," She fastened her overcoat, bracing against the nippy air outside. "tomorrow it'll be drinks. Save me a seat."_

 _Desperately trying to save as many dumplings as possible by shoving them in her pockets and being slapped by the wind simultaneously, she hadn't expected to see the tall silhouette propped against_ _the wall of the restaurant. Since he turned out to be so close in range, she wondered if it was just a game of_ _eavesdropping this whole time. Not that she cared either way._

 _"Want one?" Anko knew better than to bargain for a comeback, dangling a treat in front of his face._

 _"No."_

 _She kept a smug smile, because she never wanted to share to begin with_ _. He'd_ _have to take off that damn mask, so it wasn't like he would ever accept it. "Fine. You don't look like you got very far on your way out."_

 _Kakashi's eye remained downcast, and she realized then what a despondent vibe he emitted. Not for the first time, of course. She guessed he would go through the remainder of his adulthood as an extremely somber man._

 _Anko wondered what went through his head in that moment, not sure if she could say anything of meaning. He could be more friendly if he tried._

 _"I know that you guys want me to quit ANBU," his one visible eye suddenly caught her off guard._

 _"Don't assume I'm part of it," which sounded a little more hateful than she intended. "and so what? It just shows that your friends are worried about you."_

 _"I'm not someone to worry about."_

 _"Pretty self-righteous, though," Anko glared into his line of sight the best she could manage_ _. "maybe you should quit. Spend time with your friends. Don't you want to have some fun? Let go a little."_

 _Kakashi hid signs of being irritated very well. "I wish it were that easy. You don't know the first thing about me."_

 _"Look," She shrugged, not denying fact. "Maybe I'm not as experienced on matters like these. But I do know it's probably a bad idea to push away people who want what's best for you. They're always here for us._ _And I'd like to think if I needed someone to talk to, you would be there for me. You'd be there, right?"_

 _Anko's speech might have struck a chord somewhere, but it was hard to tell. She wondered if he looked just as pensive without the mask. She wanted to tell him that it was okay to not be happy, which seemed to be something she understood well. Why didn't he say anything?  
_

 _"I'd be lying if I said it made any difference to me what you do," She started the trek home, freezing when she heard him inch closer. "I don't care. Make your own decisions."_

 _Kakashi's voice was low, "I'd be there, Anko."_

 _She couldn't overlook the way he said it. A tender, more pleading tone that sought comfort. Wished she could take back the coldness she abused moments before. Didn't regret it enough to apologize, but she felt bad._

 _"Okay, here, only because I'm feeling generous," She produced one of the sweetest sticks, the one she had been holding onto because it looked best. Held it out decisively before she could change her mind. "Take it!"  
_

 _After somewhat of a delay, he finally took it from her hand. What was this? Some sort of weird sacrifice? Her way of showing remorse? He wasn't sure._

 _"I see where you come from, so I'll give you a chance. Don't make me regret it," She smiled, the best attempt at showing compassion yet._

 _"Uh, thanks I guess," He deadpanned, still confused about the way their conversation ended._

 _Dissatisfaction crept up as she stood there, realizing how awfully wooden and ungrateful he was. "No, Kakashi, you shouldn't bother yourself with walking me home. Please act less concerned. Thank you so much for offering. I'll be fine, glad you asked. Good night."_

"I need to know," Anko stepped back. "what do you think of Kakashi as Hokage?"

He gave the impression of being a little dumbfounded at the sudden inquiry. "It's nothing to think about."

"Do you think he'll bring prosperity and peace? Destruction or more war? What? Tell me."

Genma yawned, knowing his opinion on the matter was particularly useless. "Who knows for sure. Hopefully he can manage well enough."

She crossed her arms for warmth, "What do you mean?"

"Kakashi doesn't even have the Sharingan any more," He slowly went into detail, "wasn't that what made him feared by nations in the first place? Besides that, who knows what kind of grudges there are against the son of the White Fang. With his best asset gone.. other villages could see him as a power to take down. An influential position like that will bring risks no matter what. Worst case scenario, he goes into battle and we aren't able to save him."

Anko suddenly got a feeling of resolution, seconds dragging into minutes. That couldn't happen. "No. Kakashi is strong. He will be a decent Hokage."

"Think so?"

"He will."

"The guy's got crazy talent, I'll hand it to him. But I wouldn't switch lives _with_ him if you paid me. Not a chance. A guy that's went through all that has to be busted up psychologically."

She had been seeking certain alleviation from Genma Shiranui, hoping he would erase her doubts with thoughts of wisdom. Though they were on virtually opposite ends of the spectrum personality-wise, she regarded him as a good friend. Graduating from the academy together and working with one another frequently, she took his opinion into consideration. Only to realize her subconscious knew best. What she believed in wasn't right occasionally.

" _This is absolute bullshit!_ " _Fiery disposition might have been the only way she could ever express herself._

 _Anko cussed as they descended the staircase from the Hokage's tower. Accompanying her storm-off were five other similar individuals._

" _I can't believe this,_ " _She turned to her friends once they reached the bottom._ " _We work our asses off and he wants to say we need more recommendations? To become Jōnin?! We should all be there by now, appointed or not."_

 _"That's just how it works, unfortunately," Ebisu fixed his glasses._

 _"Time for a new system then," Anko announced. "we're more than qualified, so what the hell is this recommendation stuff about? I'm over it!"_

 _"During the war, they needed as many high-ranking ninja as they could get. Now that we're able and ready, they wanna raise the standards," Genma agreed, "whatever, I guess."_

 _"It's not fair!" She exclaimed, looking to the other three for support._

 _Asuma Sarutobi shrugged and grinned, letting it roll off his back. "You're too intense, Anko. We'll make it eventually."_

 _"Yeah," Kurenai piped up. "It is a long decision-making process."_

 _"There's no decision to make! This is ridiculous."_

 _"Hey, what about Kakashi? Hasn't he been a Jōnin for years now? We could ask him," Ebisu suggested factually._

 _Guy lit up at the mention of his rival. "Kakashi! Yes! I'm certain I could take him now! Therefore, proving my worth as a Jōnin! Great idea!"_

 _"The reason he's been one for years probably has to do with the village needing more reinforcements at that time_ _. Warm bodies. Only to hold him back during the invasion. Kind of contradicting."_

 _"Nothing's fair about it, anyway," Genma pointed out scornfully. "some of us have unfair advantages."_

 _Anko raised an eyebrow, feeling targeted. "And those would be?"_

 _"Well, Kakashi trained under the Fourth, who had training from one of the Sannin," He removed the senbon from the corner of his mouth. "and you trained under a Sannin as well. And Asuma's old man **is** the Hokage, obviously.."_

 _"You fucking serious?" She boiled with anger, pulling her collar down. "yeah, I learned so much from him! A few tricks and a curse mark that flares up from time to time! But because I got it from a Sannin, it must be some wonderful thing, right? If we have such advantages, why are we still the same rank as you?"_

 _Anko wouldn't refute_ _the envy they had toward the Hatake. He had desirable skill. But to group her in with someone simply because they both received special training? A scathing attack on her character._

 _"Hey, hey," Asuma lit up a cigarette, ignoring Kurenai's fussing. "We're all grown adults here. Let's go have a drink or something."_

 _"You wanna take this somewhere?" She tuned out the voice of reason, fully prepared for a fight._

 _"I ain't hittin_ _a girl like you,_ _" Genma pursed his lips, rejecting the request with a flicked wrist._

 _"Elite status is something to be earned, not bought or inherited. It might take more hard work and dedication, but we'll get there together, guys." Asuma assured with a certain finality._

"I was gonna kick your ass," She laughed in the middle of reminiscing. "as if I wasn't upset enough that day."

"You didn't threaten me," He had to go back years. "either way, I would have lost. Beat up a girl an' get criticized. Lose to a girl an' get criticized."

"I'm assuming you mean woman. Anyway, we might have been promoted years ago, but it feels like yesterday, doesn't it?"

Genma let her wallow in nostalgia, reading a few names to himself.

"Will you continue to serve under him?"

"Probably," He twisted the trademark senbon with his tongue, "he'll need bodyguards. What about you?"

Anko walked in slow steps, trying to not look back. _Closest adviser_ , she wanted to remark. "I'm guessing more tracking missions. Nothing extraordinary."

"Man, we see too much of each other," He said suggestively as they made their way through the harmless night, "it could be fun if you wanted it to be."

"Want what exactly?" She choked on a quiet laugh, "you?"

"'Ya know," Genma winked, eyes of a cool burnt umber, inarguably his best attribute. Boasted a soothing look to them. "two tokubetsu Jōnin, both precious slaves of the Leaf, above-average appearances.."

Not getting the response he aimed for was disheartening. "Come on, this sexual tension can't be partial to just me. Don't tell me you haven't had urges all these years."

Anko went pink in the face more from embarrassment than agitation. "Please, I'm not the cheap ride you're used to. No man can control this woman, trust me."

Not even a few years ago, she could have thought to act on desires Genma presented, but it wouldn't be genuine. Years before that, she never worried over a boy's affection. She garnered substantial attention being a vivacious young woman, not afraid to talk back and with shapely proportions. Not that she minded being admired from afar. Or up close, depending on who was doing the admiring. A great self-esteem booster. As a budding kunoichi in the past, she only ever craved one individual's attention. That lone soul had meant absolutely nothing to her for years.

It must have been a satisfying answer, because he dropped the pursuit. "Alright, we'll reschedule."

She always kind of was the type to pass up good things.

* * *

A/N;; Purposefully expanding on this generation. More of the main pairing next chapter.. Promise, haha. Appreciating the feedback from everybody~


	4. Mercy

_The wire, tugged at a little, acted as the perfect conductor for a straight line of devastating flame. The forest torched, burning out as the enemy appeared to be effectively scorched._

 _"Keep hesitating like that and nothing will ever get done."_

 _Kakashi Hatake landed from the pedestal he lingered on previously. Blue electricity died out around his right hand, smoking slightly. "I wasn't hesitating."_

 _"What do you wanna call it?" Anko snickered teasingly, releasing the cord into thin air. Gave a fleeting look to the ashes. "aren't you supposed to be good at these types of things?"_

 _Their team consisted of two other elite_ _Jōnin_ _members, currently searching for the target she had just eliminated._

 _"I found them first," Kakashi pointed out, both eyes on display. "I don't feel like doing all the work."_

 _"Let me tell **you** something, Hatake!" She riled on the spot, "not one person on this team is in need of your 'leadership', I promise. I'm the last one to need anything from you. My tracking is just as expert, with or without that unnatural cheating eye of yours."_

 _He seemed only mildly startled by her outrage. "Cheating?"_

 _Anko, a strictly single-minded woman, hardly cared to gather solid knowledge on the Sharingan itself. Wasn't her business, but the eye posed quite the unique advantage in battle. It was a perplexing artistry that soared way beyond her. An intimidating capability with an intimidating master._

 _"You heard me," She affirmed the stance confidently. However, she couldn't bring herself to hold eye-contact with him for more than a few seconds. She wanted to, though. Irises bled into a shade of fine ruby, jet-black rings circling in between. Unusual-looking. Almost scary, which was probably the overall purpose anyways._

 _"Criticizing what you don't understand. I used to believe i_ _n that same philosophy, years ago,"_ _Kakashi sighed through his nose, "you're too emotional."_

 _She could deny that all day, but the accusation wasn't completely false. Though not always forward, her competence was something she had always been proud of. "Okay, next argument?"_

 _"I'm not the type to quarrel."_

 _"Good, because you're wrong," Anko craned ahead, not detecting their teammates. She didn't get along with him too well. She saw what happened during the attack. He stalled on purpose before even activating the Lightning Cutter. Like it was something he debated on going through with. He lied. It happened fast, but she knew what she saw. He was supposedly the most ruthless and callous member of the ANBU. Did he have to think about it so deeply every time? If so, he really wasn't suited for such a branch, and Guy was right to doubt him._

 _Kakashi certainly wouldn't be used to being told he was wrong._

 _"You don't know if you should leave ANBU or not because you're protecting the village. And even though you're not bad at it, the organization is too physically demanding. And I'm guessing here, but it goes against your own self-established morals. So it's hard to let the Third down and quit. Because you feel like you're disappointing him. Right? Am I close?"_

 _Anko walked with her chin high up, satisfied with the impression she left. She eagerly waited for a response before realizing there was no active presence beside her. Where did he go?_

 _Retracing steps, she found Kakashi slumped over the ground. In pain? He definitely wasn't injured, but shockingly immobile and maybe comatose. "Hey, you okay?"_

 _She knelt at his side, alarm flashing across her face. "What the hell? What are you doing?" She shook him, but only because she wanted to make sure he didn't miss what she said before._

 _His hand flew to his left eye, something that confused her. "I'm alright, Anko."_

 _Dragging her hand over his to see, she figured it had little to do with the Sharingan. The skin around it felt hot to the touch. How would that make someone collapse from exhaustion? Some kind of strain?_

 _"Your eye..?" Anko covered it with her right palm, amazed at the fever. The eye itself didn't come across as damaged in any way; she never noticed any signs of ongoing fatigue._

 _Kakashi pushed himself up, pulling the corner of his headband down to conceal it. "T_ _he Sharingan depletes my energy at a rapid rate."_

 _Clutching his shoulder in case he were to fall backwards, she felt stupid for not understanding exactly how._

 _"Especially the overuse."_

 _And all this time she thought the ability harbored only positive si_ _de effects. So he wasn't the ultimate user of every flawless technique. "I didn't know."_

 _Kakashi was weak against her grip, breathing unevenly. "I'll be fine."_

 _"Sure?" She asked_ _, anxious suspicions subsiding. "can you walk?"_

 _"Yeah," He could, possibly with moderate assistance. Thankful she didn't ask for more of an explanation._ _"it's been a while since this has happened."_

 _Anko reluctantly let go, surprised when he proved to stand alone. She wasn't a sturdy frame to lean against, but she would catch him if necessary._

 _"If you feel unsteady," She said as pellets of rain proceeded to sprinkle over them. "just hold on to me."_

The early morning sun remained clouded by fog, appropriately driving her muddled thoughts. She recalled memories at peculiar times, and Genma's doubt for the situation added to irrational fears. Kakashi would take on infinite responsibility by becoming Hokage. Nothing would be the same. In the village or between them.

Maybe it was because she lacked so much sleep, but her feet lead her back to the memorial. Only to find another woman visiting as well.

"Kurenai," Anko whistled softly, "you're losing so much weight."

Both kunoichi smiled at one another, "Oh, thank you."

She always thought that Kurenai was the most accurate model of a beautiful woman. Prettily done makeup, acute sense of style, lustrous hair. A true bachelorette.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm taking Mirai into town today," She said in a sad voice, "and I don't think a grave site will be on our list of stops."

"I'm sorry," Anko expressed heartfelt sympathy for her friend, "if you want to be alone, I'll go."

"No, please stay. We don't talk like we used to," She continued, "Even though Asuma is buried at the cemetery.. I feel him more.. here. You know? It might sound crazy, but he told me if were to die in an honorable manner, everything would turn out okay. Protecting the village is what we live for," Kurenai was heavily burdened, but no tears fell.

The Mitarashi comfortingly wrapped her arm around hers. "Asuma couldn't have went in a more heroic way. Team 10 will carry on his legacy."

"I know," She nodded, sniffling. "I know that.. I would give anything to spend one more minute with him. I miss the way he looked at me."

Anko couldn't relate, having never truly loved anyone. Something so simple as the way someone looked at you reflected love? It sounded ridiculous, but she had faith in Kurenai Yuhi. She would love again, if she opened herself back up. Her feelings were just too raw. She couldn't allow herself to move on.

"You two won the cutest couple, no contest. Sneaking around, thinking nobody noticed. I waited years for the first move to be made!"

She blushed, "I know, like two stupid kids. Too scared to make it public."

"We supported you guys from the sidelines, whether you knew or not. I spread a lot of gossip."

Kurenai rolled her eyes, a playful mood changing into one serious look of longing. "If I learned anything.. It's to cherish the time you have with those few who are special to you. I wish I'd known how precious time is. So love who you love and don't be afraid. Talk to each other, be good to each other, regret nothing.. always forgive."

The words of wisdom spoke directly to Anko, who could only admire how tough her friend was. "I wonder what he would think of the war and how everything played out in the end."

"Someone from our class getting to be Hokage," The graceful smile returned, "he would be ecstatic. He'd be right alongside Guy cheering Kakashi on."

Anko glanced at the Memorial Stone once more, "I can't believe everything that's happened. This is all so crazy."

"I don't think a lot will change," Kurenai said thoughtfully, "he doesn't seem like the kind to stir things up."

"No, that's not it."

"We had a little celebration last night," She went on absentmindedly, "to congratulate him, you know. It was a little get together. However, I can't say I approved of all the drinking happening between teams."

"Everyone got together?" Anko whined, upset she missed out on anything. Parties were her scene. "And I couldn't be there, damn it!"

"I'm sure he would have liked some to be there who weren't. Jiraiya, his teammates, the Fourth, Asuma.. All these years and I still find myself feeling sorry for him. I hate that.. the loss could be seen among the crowd. But I'm glad we got a chance to celebrate something for once. We haven't been together in a while. Our generation is never in the same place any more. I wish you could have made it."

* * *

Sooner than later, she discovered herself at a window that was rather familiar. Not ever locked like it should've been.

"Hey there, Anko."

She did a quick take around the room before slamming it closed. Should've just used the door. He was hunched over a desk, completely motionless. "How did you do that? Know it was me without looking?"

"Nobody else comes through my window."

"Right," Anko threw herself on the bed, staring at his back. "So you expect me."

"No."

"You don't?"

"Depending.."

"On what?"

"A few days have gone by," Kakashi said tiredly, "where I haven't seen you and you haven't seen me. I know you, so your actions stay reasonably foreseeable."

"You make me sound like some tedious broad."

"I'm not sure that description fits."

"Stop killing your brain cells with that stupid book!" She commanded suddenly, deserving more courtesy than that.

He shifted from his chair, dropping a pen. "I'm not reading."

"Then what are you doing?" Anko nosily scrutinized over him.

Kakashi waved a paper at her, "Inauguration speech."

Her mood soured significantly, eyes narrowing. "Wow."

"Harder than I thought," He gestured to the ones crumpled up, littered everywhere except the wastebasket.

Anko was least interested in papers. "Kurenai told me about last night. I really hate that I missed it."

The former Copy-Ninja raised his brows. "You would've been there if you could."

"Yeah," she tilted her head, "was it fun?"

"I think it was supposed to be a surprise, but I knew from the start," Kakashi said more to himself, "Guy dropped too many hints."

"Damn it," She repeated for the second time in the same day, "There's a party and I get to spend it away."

"It was nice," He bent after standing, bones popping. "you would've enjoyed the drinks."

Anko refused to dwell on it any longer, moving so he could sit beside her. Hoping he didn't believe she'd deliberately miss out on something momentous primarily because she disapproved. "Guess what I thought of today?"

"What's that?"

"That time we were partnered together before you left ANBU," She stripped out of the flak jacket for comfort purposes, readjusting her black undershirt. "Remember?"

"Yeah?" She could tell he hadn't expected what she said to be so deeply rooted in the past.

"I don't know if you could tell or not," Anko got lost in space. "but when you collapsed, it really freaked me out. I didn't know why at the time. Because I guess I thought you were invincible or something."

Kakashi listened earnestly, her view particularly fascinating to hear. "I took notice."

"Back then I swore I didn't care for you," She closed caramel-colored eyes.

"You've done a good job up until now of convincing me you never did."

"I was kinda wrong," Anko delicately clasped the sides of his face. He usually waited for her to make a move, but that grade of composure grew on her. It was wrong of her to ever think she was better than him. "my point being, I didn't like you the way I do now. I like you so much, though."

Valuing the confession more than she knew, he had never anticipated her to share so randomly. "I scared you that bad?"

"Yes," She dropped both hands and turned away. If he didn't already know she liked him a lot, he wasn't as smart as people gave him credit for. Because she was at least semi-aware of his attraction to her.

Kakashi fought through the recollection of old memories. "You said I should hold onto you."

"If you feel unsteady," Anko quoted correctly, "just hold onto me."

"Well, I did."


	5. Intangible

_It's pitch-black, and she can't even make out her own two hands. She heard nobody, felt nobody. The ground was like ice. Where was this?_

 _"There you are."_

 _The voice traveled downward to reach earshot, and Anko recognizes the sinister presence. Something she cannot forget._

 _Lanterns lit up slanted walls with no warning, casting an orange glow. One of his hideouts._

 _"Why are you never happy to see me any more? You used to practically grovel at my feet."_

 _"I did teach you almost everything you know.. So, you owe me. In a sense."_

 _"I.. hate you," She struggled to get the words out, wishing she could be half as terrifying._

 _Authentic hatred accompanied the disapproving glare, and he watched his former pupil lean against her knees, speaking to herself in a strange manner._

 _"I'll overlook that because you seem to be suffering from some mental illness."_

 _That patronizing tone, that same way.. He had always treated everyone with immeasurable bitterness, his superiority destined to intimidate them. Even as his number one student, she wasn't good enough. For years, she believed he gave up on her. Wiping her memory to make a fact of it. Confusion about the past plagued her for more than a decade, and the truth did everything but set her free._

 _"Y-You're not here! You can't be here.. Get out!" She spoke defiantly, locked to the ground. She was just becoming aware of how hard she cried, probably the reason her throat sounded so sore and panicky._

 _"Your will used to be strong, Anko. I never told you, but I always admired that one quality. The Leaf has weakened you more than I thought."_

 _"Shut up, Orochimaru," She gathered enough courage to stand, wobbly at first. "you.. worthless bastard."_

 _He smiled his signature ominous smile, still above her. On a set of stairs, a throne of sorts. Flaunting his place as her senior. "Don't say such ugly things."_

 _Anko fumbled around, unable to find the weapons pouch usually on her person. Attacking him.. would be futile. A battle that didn't need to be fought in order to lose._

 _"Don't bother," The Sannin outstretched his arms, "if only I had kept you.. You would be better off. The amount of potential wasted."_

 _"I left!" She clenched her fists, "I left you and I'm glad I did. You were worst teacher ever! I'll never get the time I wasted on_ ** _you_** _back."_

 _"That's one way of looking at it, I suppose. You'll forever have ignorance on your side."_

 _"You're so fucked up.. I don't know why I stayed as long as I did. I'll never choose you."_

 _"Who will you choose, then?"_

 _A figure emerged from the floor, inky black snakes leaking off the summon. Dead behind the eyes, a reincarnated corpse with no soul._

 _"Ka.. Kakashi?"_

 _"I'll kill him right away, or I'll have him take your life. You can decide. I personally prefer the latter. The village's beloved Hokage.. you have limitless trust in him, or am I wrong?"_

 _Anko froze in horror, the replica arming himself with a knife. His left eye was a mad pool of red, a hint that lead her to believe everything had to be fake._

 _"I'll make sure he uses the Sharingan on you before death," Orochimaru assured ominously, "I'll re-implant the eye myself. It's simply a matter of who goes first."_

 _"Why... Why are you doing this?"_

 _"You should not have picked this village over me. You'll finally pay for that choice. Suffer."_

 _Sparks uncontrollably powered off Kakashi's right hand, awaiting some signal._

 _"Kill her."_

 _If it wasn't real, she would know by then. She couldn't get hit. He lashed toward her, and she escaped the blow by centimeters. Pieces of wall crumbled around them, the hideout teetering on the verge of collapse._

 _"Stop!" Anko cried, adrenaline pumping faster than she could handle. This had to be some new torture. "Orochimaru.. You can't do this!"_

 _"I can," He reeled back, and Kakashi returned to his side like a puppet. "and I will. No one can stop me. He could not before, and he will certainly fail if he dares to try again. This Hokage will be easiest of all to take out."_

 _"Why?", was all she asked, her worst nightmare becoming a reality._

 _"He stole you from me, that's why."_

 _Her head shot up at that, because the statement itself was so illogical and untrue. What the hell did that mean?_

 _Different species of snake began wrapping themselves around the clone, attempting a slow smothering._

 _"Stop it!" Anko screamed, dragging herself up the steps at a painfully slow pace. Nothing restrained her, but she couldn't move fast enough. Like something held her back. "Please don't touch him!"_

She jerked upright, breathing inconsistently, experiencing an intense cold sweat. She frantically tried remembering anything before the actual dream took place, but nothing came to mind. The events already jumbled out of sequence, and she had the worst time piecing it together.

Night terrors for her nowadays were a rare occurrence, just unannounced and excruciating. What was the meaning? Was there a meaning? To toy with her emotions a little more?

Her former mentor was often the subject of her nightmares. Haunted her dreams from a teenager to a young adult, onto mid-twenties.. An endless abuse she had been used to. This particular one felt much different.

Anko hesitantly slid her hand behind her neck, almost afraid to find the same old mark. A permanent brand she had learned to accept over the years. A constant reminder of him, the past she wanted so desperately to leave behind. She could not see it, but she knew it wasn't there. Just skin.

Still racked from fear, she brought her knees up, careful not to disturb the sleep-deprived man beside her. He stayed relatively inanimate, and she did not understand how exhausted he seemed until then. At least one of them would get rest tonight.

Growing up, Orochimaru had to have been the biggest influence in her life. She trusted him, he made her feel safe, everything he said sounded smart.. he didn't betray her immediately. He was her role model, and she aspired to reflect his image positively. Set all her goals around him.

Only recently realizing most of it was a lie. She wondered what had made him so willing to abandon her. Knowing it was her resilience all along. She would learn eventually that he did not crave the independent-thinker type. He would find those he could manipulate.

Anko refused that life, because she was not completely closed-minded. But she was for all those years. _You never needed him_. Blinded by her youth, the emotional investment, and perhaps envy mixed with a little infatuation.

She preferred that pain over seeing him threaten the lives of the people she cared about so much. She couldn't put it past him. He was a twisted guy.

Typically, she might put her vest on and go for a late walk, get some air to hopefully feel a little better. However, everything hadn't sank in yet, so she held off.

Anko slipped gingerly back down under the blankets, thoughts turning to someone she didn't absolutely hate.

His back faced her, but she could make out the whole room with help of fading moonlight. His nose was uncovered by the mask, letting him breathe more comfortably. How does someone sleep with a cloth over their face anyways?

Even he could not defeat Orochimaru in his prime; that was a given. The dream was hard to comprehend alone, and remembering what he said word for word.. It scared her to hear, even if it wasn't real. Her imagination hadn't been nearly so vivid lately. Kakashi would not harm her.

Anko wanted to be close to him, and not only due to the warmth he emanated.

They got along famously when both were in an obliging mood, or when she didn't say exactly what weighed on her mind. Step down, she said, and he took that as doubts regarding his skill. She saw that he preferred other topics of discussion.

So after having him read a few lines of his inauguration speech out loud, she told him how dull and repetitive it sounded. In all brutal honesty, Kakashi wasn't incredibly creative. He was not a man of many words. However, she would look forward to hearing a speech by Naruto Uzumaki some day in the future. A more memorable, well-thought out acceptance speech that had to be in the making for years. Achieving the title of Hokage was never Kakashi Hatake's dream.

Anko shakily brought her hand to his back, opting instead to run three fingers through gray strands. Soft breathing, no reaction. Making sure he was there. Well and living.

She talked him into buying takeout for her as repayment for listening to that god-awful speech of his.

And then soon after, spent hours alone crying her heart out.


	6. Deference

Loud bangs and movement of furniture being dragged across wooden floors. That was mostly what Anko heard happening among the chambers in the Hokage Tower.

"Hey! Quieten down! Be more gentle with my shit!"

She could tell it was in one ear and out the other, based on the grimaces they exchanged when the Fifth looked away. They stirred up dust that hadn't been touched in years, shifted everything around, changed everything abruptly because they were told to do so.

"Christ, these boxes are heavy," Tsunade grouched, obviously having a hard time holding them up with such a full chest. "are we not paying somebody to do this?"

"Milady, they're all here working," Shizune reminded her carefully, "and besides, you're almost completely out of office now. You must get used to doing things on your own."

"He hasn't sworn in yet!" She said irritably, "I'm still Hokage! And with the way it's going, I'll be Hokage for another five years. Send word to Kakashi and have him meet me here first thing tomorrow morning. Immediately! We haven't even gone over the basics of each filing cabinet, where everything goes.. I'm fucking stressed to high heaven! So I'm still in charge, damn it!"

The Sannin barked out some more orders, followed by complaints and corrections. Despite previously scolding those for being too rough, she tossed the box down angrily.

She grabbed a tall bottle filled to the brim with clear liquid, shaking her head at everything that was going on. "I don't know if I can handle this. Aren't cold feet supposed to be what men get before a wedding or something?"

Anko took an uncomfortable seat on one of the closed boxes, containing books or something sturdy. It hadn't been light. "I don't blame him for putting it off. I wouldn't want the job either. All this work, you've gotta be kidding me."

Tsunade helped herself to a prolonged gulp. "Well, I don't want it any more either. I've dealt with people for a long time now."

"I can't deny the amount of responsibility it takes," She continued, almond-colored eyes focusing on nothing in particular. "but it's one of the most rewarding jobs.. It has made me happier than I've been in a while. Older and wiser, maybe, but happy."

The Jōnin crossed her legs, staring at the barren room. Everything seemed so big. "So, you're ready to retire?"

"Hell yes," The Fifth gestured in the direction of the Monument. "I wouldn't pass the title down if I didn't think Kakashi could handle it. He'll do fine."

"I've been meaning to ask you this, but.." She trailed off, an uneasy gaze flickering to Shizune. "what about Orochimaru? Where is he?"

Tsunade's mouth formed a straight line, like she knew exactly what had been troubling her all along. "He is free to do as he wishes."

"What? Even with him being accountable for so many lost lives? Really?"

"He faces no pending charges," She kept a straight face, "but don't think he isn't under constant surveillance. Kakashi can decide how to proceed with those actions."

Anko felt like she could break down into tears if pride weren't a factor, "I don't think that.. I couldn't handle seeing him here."

"I'm sorry, Anko," She offered sympathy, "he played a major role in saving me during the war, but the decision was not entirely mine. He should not bother you. Regarding the matters of Sasuke Uchiha, I cannot say. I imagine he'll also be pardoned."

The younger woman bit her lip, loathing life silently for a moment. She wasn't sure how to feel on the whole Uchiha matter. She didn't agree with the following of Orochimaru, and typically hated anyone with any sort of affiliation. She knew how it was. The bias would be real, especially concerning his former mentor. He was a traitor. By definition, traitors deserved to burn.

 _"Do you know how long ninja take to tend to their injuries?"_

 _"Uh, I don't know... are you going to tell me?" She was still a kid, concentrating on messily wrapping a scrape she had gotten from one of her teammates hours ago. It had reopened during their trek. Everything he said was like a riddle she couldn't solve._

 _"Not even half as long as you're taking."_

 _"Hey, Sensei, guess what?" Anko proclaimed, bursting with excitement and uneducated youth. "I wanna try to learn about healing and all that! Just like Tsunade, wouldn't that be cool? She's pretty strong. Then I could help my teammates when they get hurt or something. What do you think?"_

 _Orochimaru did not entertain her long, "Your control is not very smooth. Don't waste your time."_

 _"I could do it!" She wanted him to agree, "I would learn. Tsunade seems like she would make a great Hokage one day maybe. The first woman, 'ya know? Like, you'd obviously be the best Hokage but she would be awesome, wouldn't she?"_

 _He chuckled, "A woman like her will never become Hokage."_

 _"Why not?"_

 _"Don't worry, child. I'll teach you what you need to know and you'll progress into a fine prodigy."_

 _"Okay!" Anko stuck to him like cling wrap, stretching his sleeve. "when are we leaving for our next mission? When should we go get the rest of our team? Let's ask. I'm so ready!"_

 _"I'm afraid it won't be that kind of trip," Orochimaru did a quick once-over of his maps. "and please, do keep your pesky questions to a minimum."_

 _She looked up into reassuring, slit eyes. Don't doubt yourself, everything will be okay because he will teach you what you need to know. She would be the first to understand nature, unsolvable mysteries, every possible wonder of the world. He would teach her all he knew as well, and one day she would pass on his teachings. She couldn't wait for him to become Hokage, so then she could brag about the fact that she was his best student, and he chose her._

"Here, try some! You have to try some, Anko! Lighten up!" An already tipsy Tsunade waved the bottle at her. "I'm taking a break."

So she did, because sometimes memories were haunting in themselves. She had been a naive child, who grew into a twisted adult by default. Never got the chance to be normal.

"I'm retired! Shizune, calm down," The blonde began to scare off those nearby. "I do as I damn please."

"Those aren't from my desk, are they?"

"Yes ma'am."

"'Gimme!" She thrust her arms under a cardboard box, contents of colorful magazines and graphic illustrations. "these would be hard to replace."

"Erotic literature?" Anko guessed, peeking inside.

"That term almost sounds acceptable!" Shizune scolded, embarrassment turning her features red.

Tsunade smirked, wondering how she would have gotten through without them. "Wouldn't want Kakashi to see my dirty little collection."

She returned the smirk generously, "He has his own, I'm sure."

The Fifth let out a boisterous laugh, partially fueled by the morning buzz. "This is why we get along, Anko! We have to go out more often. It's like a new beginning! We'll get black-out drunk, it'll be great. I am retired, after all!"

Speaking on the start of new beginnings, her thoughts drifted toward him. The famous, delayed future Sixth. She had woken up early to disarrayed sheets and blinding sun. He was a mysterious, solitary man who stayed away, to himself a lot. Half the time gone before she even got the chance to fucking wake up. And if he had been conscious enough to pick up on the energy of her nightmares, she would've also taken a leave.

 _A few days have gone by.. where I haven't seen you and you haven't seen me. I know you, so your actions stay reasonably foreseeable._

Rang very true, because it truly happened like clockwork. She found him, whether he be at home or lurking about the village, when they both had nothing better to do. They would enjoy each other's company at convenience, not horribly often or anything. At first only when their schedules allowed. She couldn't name the honest foundation for their relationship. Maybe it was conversations that ran deep, maybe a couple of shared opinions, or maybe just mutual attraction.

But if she happened to forget, or became too caught up in the rush of life, a week or two would pass and he'd humbly seek her out instead. Act as if it were an accident, crossing paths near her favorite restaurants or usual routes. He would not go to over the top, overly-romantic limits like climbing through her window half past midnight. He wouldn't make bold moves. They were not prominent enough to be noticed anyway.

He would surprise her on predictable occasion with sweet foods, usually to forgive any differences they may have had beforehand. A sure fire way to win back her affection, so she didn't mind settling after that. They tried to not be an argumentative pair.

Anko hated that he would not be able to come around routinely; she would lose him to the unmanageable weight of a role she couldn't believe he ever wanted. He would be preoccupied with reports and politics, and for a while, agree to do nothing besides serve the village. She felt like he wasn't ready, because she wasn't ready.

 _Just a few more days._


	7. Bygones

" _And I'd like to think if I needed someone to talk to, you would be there for me. You'd be there, right_?"

Kakashi Hatake had never been one to voluntarily share his feelings with others. Not as a child, and especially not as a grown man. Shinobi were bred to show _no_ emotion. He learned early.

Believing Obito to be dead, he was forced to deal with grief in the only way he knew how. Burying feelings under a blanket of intense remorse and doubt. He mourned and mourned alone, not confiding in Rin like he maybe should have. He hadn't trusted her to understand.

" _Rin, if you ever need to talk.._ _you can come to any one of us. We know this must be so hard on you_."

 _Her? Her. Right, only her._

Everyone felt so badly for Rin. Why was her loss so much more devastating compared to his? Nobody asked how he was doing, excluding Minato. They didn't ask because they didn't care. Not that he was looking for more pitying stares. He was already an orphan with a pretty sad life. Already with nothing to show. _Cling to your pride._

He and Obito weren't close, but they were trying to get along at last. They could have been good friends in time. And if it weren't for Rin, he might still have a friend named Obito Uchiha. She might be dead, but he would at least be alive.. They weren't a team any more.

Did she even reciprocate the Uchiha's feelings? She couldn't have. It would've been wrong of him to look at her as anything other than a teammate. She was his friend's girl. Ideally, anyways. He so obviously wanted her.

But Kakashi agreed to watch over her, to not let anything happen. If it were possible to take back that promise, he would actually think about it.

Going over each scenario at least a thousand times, he knew how morbid it was to feel that sort of way. Wishing her dead before Obito. Blaming somebody else was easier than blaming himself. It was tough to handle guilt alone.

Unprepared to get blindsided by the fact he wouldn't even have a friend named Rin Nohara soon after that vow. And it was undoubtedly his own fault. There was no one to blame. A whole team killed off by cruel fate, each death bringing him closer to the edge and tearing his consciousness to shreds.

So he lived labeled as a murderer for a while, which could not openly be disputed.

Kakashi glanced down at the carefully-scripted writing that was the final draft of his speech. Crumpled and smeared from his edits and unsteady hand. A line caught his eye.

'Accepting this position must be a blessing in disguise, for I have never once doubted the loyalty and love I've always felt toward the Hidden Leaf. It's been an honor to serve. The walls have done more than keep me safe. Given me a place to call home. The structure here and people of this village have gotten me through dark times'.

He considered revising or cutting the last sentence entirely, because his past shouldn't have a chance to mar the future.

Anko was right; he had skills of a mediocre writer at best. It should be kept short, and he could skip the important parts because everybody already knew them. It deserved more creative talent and thought, to tell the truth. Kakashi ran low on those things as he aged.

He would probably only hold office a few years, up until Naruto grew ready to fill big shoes.

Nevertheless, the role would still weigh heavy on his shoulders. Burdensome. He was nothing in greatness if you knew Minato Namikaze.

 _He stood toward the back of the very classroom he used to study in. He should've been helping Iruka get things ready for next semester, getting everything situated so he could prep them for the next Exams. Other_ Jōnin _moved about, but they didn't look too hurried. In reality, Kakashi was just lounging around when nobody was paying attention. He didn't feel like doing work._

 _He pretended to rummage through desks_ _when somebody watched him, finding weapons that should have been confiscated_ _and other meaningless junk. Something sharp jutted out behind a bookshelf coated in dust, curiosity_ _prompting him to reach over and grab its corner._

 _Shuriken acted as poor handles for hanging laminated pictures that dated back to his childhood. They were half-brown with filth, a collage made using an album by someone who had too much time on their hands. It obviously wasn't made recently._

 _It took a second for his eyes to scan over the plethora of snapshots, and when he recognized his team picture amongst others, it was like being stabbed. A harsh reminder of years long lost. He usually kept the original copy face down in his bedroom. Seeing it where he used to regularly attend.._

 _It was hard to look away. They all smiled back gleefully, except for him. They were happy, hopeful, so ready to dive head-first into a new life. He couldn't remember being quite as excited. He couldn't fake reactions, even back then. He thought of what life would be like with them still around._

 _Kakashi knew somebody watched him. Looked over his shoulder to see it was only her. She actually stayed busy, wiping sweat from her brow before noticing him. Like he was trying to blend in with the wall._

 _"I see you over there being lazy. Quit acting."_

 _He lowered the collage out of view, unable to counter. "I found something interesting."_

 _"Really, what?" Anko leaned in pushily, laying it on the table so they could both see better. "Aww, I wonder who made this."_

 _"Mhm..."_

 _She laughed at some of the lighthearted ones, like of funny group poses or getting caught in the middle of playing stupid games they made up. "Oh my God, this is making me feel so old."_

 _His eyes couldn't focus on anything other than his old team photo. He had seen it a million times before, it just seemed different. Anko stared at what he stared at once she realized why he wasn't responding._

 _"I remember chasing Obito around the schoolyard with a snake," She smiled nostalgically, "after he said the Fourth was a better teacher than Orochimaru. Man, he screamed like such a girl."_

 _"I had to rough him up a few times for telling Rin I played like a guy."_

 _Kakashi flinched away, unpleasant flashbacks flooding his mind._

 _Anko frowned, ignorance in realizing how uncomfortable he was discussing their memory. "What's wrong?"_

 _"Nothing."_

 _"You miss them, yeah. I get it," She pulled the wedged shuriken out with her fingers. Between the two, if loss was equal to wealth, they'd be rich. Death was taught to be accepted. Things got worse. Friends began to die off, family members weren't alive, change was frequent, a new and improved generation took their place. It hurt, but shinobi were supposed to be strong._

 _He said nothing for a while, finally breaking the painfully locked gaze. "Missing them won't bring them back."_

 _"I wish it could," She set it up in its rightful place hesitantly, "I miss a lot of people. I miss the Third. I miss the way I used to have someone to look up to."_

 _Kakashi felt his breathing get a little quicker, suppressing the urge to lash out at nothing. So many years had passed, yet he was still so angry. It was unfair to lose everyone considered close to you in a short, compact period of time. After a while, the numbness became a welcomed feeling._

 _"I know what it's like to lose a team," Anko briefly thought of the high points during her training with Orochimaru. When she remembered being genuinely happy. "I wouldn't care if he died today."_

 _Ironically, they comprised a tougher portion of the Hidden Leaf. And there they were damning old despair and long-gone tragedy._

 _Even though it became apparent how he outright refused to show any emotion, Anko found it more difficult to continue. She hated the fact that she had to mentally admit she missed the past. To take her own advice. She would not cry in front of anyone. No, never._

 _"We'll be fine," Kakashi consoled, uncharacteristically cupping his hand over hers._

* * *

"I'm sorry.. I... don't know if I can go through with this. You're like my best friend, so.. You know. I don't want to disappoint you or anything. I wish you nothing but happiness."

"I understand. I'm not trying to upset you."

"Just shut up, okay! I can't believe how far we've come together. I'll never forget this day. You have to promise me, though..."

"I'm listening."

"Things won't change between us. If I lost you, I don't know how I'd go on. Our relationship will not die no matter what!"

"I promise."

"Oh, Kakashi! You have my blessing!"

Roughly pulled into a choking embrace, he couldn't help but laugh awkwardly. What a moment.

"Forgive me if I must cry during your speech. I can't believe this is happening! You are the brother I always wanted! I'm going to miss you, that's all!" Gai cried passionately, sobbing onto his friend's shoulder.

"Relax, Gai," He stiffened at the intimate contact. "It's not as if I'm dying."

"Real men are comfortable showing their emotions!"

"I know, I know," Kakashi felt a small grin pull at his lips, silently proud of the unlikely friendship he had found with Gai.

"You're nervous, aren't you."

"Real giveaway, huh," He sighed, leaning against the rail of the Hokage Tower.

Gai knew him too well. "You'll do great! We're all here to back you up if you need it! With the power of youth-"

"Anything is possible," He cut him off rudely. "you've told me. However, I'm afraid I'm no longer that youthful."

"Nonsense! You were absolutely made for this position, Kakashi!"

He did a sweeping analysis of the village below. _That couldn't be. Because sometimes, he just didn't see it_.


	8. Transparent

A/N;; I can't believe it's already December, so not ready for next year, haha. This update will hopefully be followed up before Christmas. I still lovvve you guyssss. ^^

* * *

Two nights ago, or maybe three, maybe four..? It was definitely some nights ago. They didn't talk much. Messes of torn paper lay scattered around them, all to show for one single, neat, clean-cut copy. _Pages long_. From the desk, tedious and carefully chosen words simmer, mocking her quietly. She already knew she wouldn't listen to half of such an overly-rehearsed snooze fest. Sometimes, she hated listening.

At about early morning, she couldn't be exactly sure why she was there. They had been drinking.. oh, right. It used to be fun. Supposed to be fun. It was the only reason for her desperate love of the hobby. But no. Kakashi was the most _professional_ buzzkill.

Anko saw firsthand just how restless and uneasy he happened to be. He fought sleep like some sort of plague, tossing and turning all night, interrupting any hope of rest on both ends. Nervousness was not a common emotion she got the pleasure of witnessing in Kakashi Hatake. When unfortunately, it turned out to be a particularly uncomfortable experience.

She weakly reached for a long-necked bottle on the nightstand, not bothering to react as it made contact with the ground. She felt like doing the same. Gone. Her motor skills were shot and she was so fucking tired. She should've been relishing in nonproductive moments of silence, but instead found herself silently resenting the man beside her with every breath. She was still conscious because of this insomnia-ridden man. He finally became still, long after her patience wore down.

"Are you okay?"

He asked, watching as her fingers twitched, head throbbing sensationally. She laid flat on her stomach, face buried in pillows. He didn't feel too great in all honesty. Early morning wasn't as much of a concern as what day it was. Every fucking hour, every few hours, every godforsaken sixty minutes.. He would count. Time was not going to slow down for him, no matter how badly he wanted it to. But he was great at wasting it. There were an unfathomable number of things he should've been doing besides dreading upcoming weeks of constant stress. Alcohol didn't seem to be on his side, either.

She out-drank him without shame, a tolerance that only rose with practice. She said absolutely nothing for a long while. Even when he was sure she'd lash out at him for being so fidgety. They were different shades of hungover.

"I'm fine..." She peeked out from the corner of her elbow. More bottles than she remembered drinking trashed the floor. Oh, well. "I do wish you'd choose a position and quit moving, though."

"You never said anything, so I figured you didn't mind," He stretched, eyeing his book collection across the room. The small window he had for catching up on readings was closing quickly. H _e_ was still working on saying goodbye to any improvised leisure _._

"I shouldn't have to," Anko found her voice muffled, lazily pawing at him. Her fingers caught his mask, blindly attempting to guide him down.

Kakashi leaned further to the side, resisting before sedately prying her hold off him. Sudden assertions weren't what he needed right then.

"I'm trying to sleep," He complained after a few more vain tries, readjusting his mask and doing his best to repress all the responsibilities he was avoiding.

 _Now he was tired_? _Welcome to my conscious little_ _world_ , she thought spitefully.

Anko lifted her head after that, squinting at his rugged appearance in offense. She understood wholeheartedly where bad moods came from, but she accepted no blame. Bags started to line bloodshot eyes, hair poking in strange directions, life heading in an unpredictable spiral, and... somehow.. he still looked hot.

"I was just trying to get a kiss, but you know what, fuck you," She hastily turned away from him, stealing half the blankets in the process. "whatever, I see how it is."

"Okay, okay, my bad," Kakashi sighed in defeat, draping one arm over her in a futile gesture to show how wrong he was.

Although she knew he meant no harm and that he sounded genuine, she was still kind of pissed. He brought these troubles on himself. "Go away, I'm tired."

"Hey, I really _am_ tired," He felt like he hadn't slept in days, and everything seemed to weigh on him all at once. Kakashi slid his hand up her back, trying to ignore the strong scent of liquor in her hair.

"You're so annoying," Anko let him get closer after she pulled away successfully twice, even though she never got her kiss.

"Ouch, that hurts," He acted like he hadn't heard that quote before. Actually heard it now and again from the snake handler.

"It should."

Kakashi felt his hand heat up against the warmth of her skin, and he got lost in space for a millisecond. "Are you sure that you're still going to like me after this?"

She hesitated, the air catching between them. Stupid questions. She turned her head so he couldn't see her expression. It was asked with a hint of sarcasm and wonder, maybe something that could be taken for skepticism. He meant it as a _joke_. But she took everything too seriously nowadays. The answer was yes, and he had to understand that part scared her most. Would he still like her? If nothing changed between them physically, she couldn't ask for a lot more; the complexity of his thoughts were something she'd never grasp. He wasn't quite the emotional rock any woman hoped for, but she wasn't the emotional rock any man dreamed of.

"Well, damn, I guess."

"That didn't sound too convincing," He did his worst impression of a sorrowed tone, cautiously reclaiming blankets so there was less of a barrier between them.

"Because we've gone over this," Anko scolded in case he stopped listening, "I'm gonna kidnap the fuck out of you whenever I feel like it because I like you so much."

"I don't know," Kakashi seemed unconvinced of her intentions, "I think you need to remind me."

"What are you, a woman?" She rested against him, drawing both arms around his shoulders. "You know I don't like that many people, so I have to keep you around."

"I'll be sure not to ask you any more questions," He settled, "but that kidnapping part sounds kind of fun."

* * *

 _Present day._ She stood in a gray clearing of some sort, but she hadn't remembered walking there. _What time is it_? She can't shake the feeling that she should be somewhere.

It was only then Anko noticed the mass amount of white graves surrounding her. Some marked, some unmarked. Dead people. She was familiar with many of the graves there. Friends, strangers, civilians of Konoha.. She wasn't crazy about cemeteries.

A harsh breeze took her off guard, and everything became eerily silent all of a sudden.

"My parents are buried here, but I suppose you knew that."

She almost landed headfirst sideways from spinning around so fast. How was it possible that she didn't sense him, even a little bit? How come she had no control over anything that happened lately?

"What do you want?"

Anko sent him a wide-eyed stare filled with hateful fury. She couldn't believe this was to be her first face-to-face with Orochimaru postwar. She wasn't mentally prepared, and her heart rate was just starting to return to normal.

"I was very young when I lost them," He ignored his former student well, "you must be able to sympathize with such a past tragedy."

"Did you fucking hear me?" She yelled, taking a brave step forward. "Answer!"

"The one you're standing closest to, yes, that's the one," Orochimaru kept his hands in the pockets of his long robe.

She glanced down for a split second, offering no compassion whatsoever. "Just what are you getting at?"

He shrugged, seeming to gaze right through her, "I've always watched you."

Anko froze in place, the surrealism of the moment finally hitting. The realization that it didn't feel like a nightmare. She swore that she would take him down, put a stop to his evil doings, make sure he never hurt anyone like he hurt her. She failed herself, and she couldn't let that go."You've watched me?" _Yeah, I bet that creepy bastard's watched me_.

"Of course," Orochimaru held his hands together in a peaceful, non-confrontational gesture. "Why wouldn't I look after my best student?"

"That's bullshit," She glared until her eyes stung themselves, "you're nothing but a user."

"I did train Sasuke, but he was only meant to be my vessel," He closed golden orbs, "you _were_ still my best student. Far more obedient, too."

"Shut up!" Anko cut him off before he could continue. She could feel a lump swelling in the back of her throat already. She didn't know why she always got so irrationally emotional when confronting him. Unfiltered rage boiled through every inch of her, and it was a never-ending burden. "I don't want to hear your lies, or whatever the hell you think justifies your actions."

"You smell of hard liquor."

It was almost as if they were in totally separate worlds. She wouldn't calm down. "Do me a favor and drop dead! I don't want to see you ever again!"

"Oh, but you're such a bitter girl, Anko," Orochimaru didn't move, didn't even seem fazed. "when are you going to forgive yourself?"

Her body reacted on its own accord then, thrusting a kunai at his neck. She never gave it a second thought. He knew how to trigger somebody with no self-restraint.

 _And he was gone_.


	9. Disunion

A/N;; I blame this belated update on moving, school, and having no steady internet connection. I know I'm terrible. Love me anyways. I'll do better, lol. ^^

* * *

Kakashi waited until the door clicked shut behind them, flipping the lights on tentatively. The breathtaking view was all his to take on, yet nothing ever seemed real. The entire Leaf, each civilian, each shinobi, each child.. his sole responsibility from then on. Until he got ready to retire.. or died.. or until he decided Naruto was ready to take on the title of the Seventh. Preferably the latter.

"Well, _Mr. Hokage_ , how does it feel? Still sinking in? Are you ready for this?"

"Not really."

 _Then maybe you should've listened to me, stupid ass_. Anko took in the view beside him, blinking until her eyes could get used to the brightness illuminating the office. Against the background of a dark, otherwise depressing night. A deadline approaching quicker than they'd both imagined. Everyone being asleep in their quaint little homes, anxiously anticipating the inauguration ceremony of the Sixth. The most nervous had no hope or luxury of sleep.

"Well, why not?"

He dismissed her sarcastic tone, using the desk as a prop. He knew she still hated him for being kept up. He felt scarily unprepared to tell the truth, but it was kinda late for last minute doubt. Half past midnight and he should've been well-rested. Not so sick with nerves that he wanted to bury himself underground. In a few short hours, he would be officially sworn by oath. But that was too close for him to comprehend, so he didn't even try.

"Kakashi!" She paced the desolate office, stealing his attention from the outside world. "you should have someone redecorate in here for you. The paint is peeling right off these walls. The amount of dust on these shelves is ridiculous. Do you know much filth I breathed in the other day? You should have seen the stuff Tsunade had hoarded to the ceiling."

She lost him after the word 'redecorate', but for once she didn't get on to him for poor listening. Because maybe, he guessed, she was able to sense his worried body language. Women were good at that sort of thing, right? And he would accept pity in that form of definition. Sympathy instead of criticism? _Sure, why not._

"Anyway... Seems like a pretty unromantic place to fool around, but we can make it work," Anko said after he zoned out, smiling mischievously. "maybe you could have a secret room put in for private use. Hell, why don't you just turn the whole place into an X-rated adult lounge?"

"I don't think that would do me any favors politically," Kakashi crossed his arms, subconsciously imagining the hours of entertainment. The idea had potential in a more suited setting.

"Oh, come on," She paused at the back corner, creating a mental image. "what about a fancy wine cabinet where I'm standing? Stock piled with imported bottles.. now that would get you in good with anybody. Don't believe me?"

"Hmm, better not," He sighed. "knowing Naruto, he'd find a way to break in here and throw some irresponsible party with his friends."

"Aww, you're no fun. Let kids be kids," Anko was trained in fluent pressuring, running her hand down his left sleeve as she made herself a seat next to him on the desk. "they're young and stupid."

"Not very cute any more, are they," Kakashi brooded, stiller than a statue. He couldn't ignore the twinge of guilt eating away his conscience. The way she questioned him when they were alone. The way she patronized him some days and not others, the way she looked at him with hopeful eyes, after having the serious nerve to ask him to turn such a position down. Was he really her problem? She had to know she would never convince him to actually go along with it.. even if he did consider the option once or twice. The way she made him doubt himself. The way she seemed disappointed at his decision to become who he was.

"Please, they never were," She scooted closer, "you are, though."

"When you have students you'll understand."

"What?" He ruined moods like no other. "You know I don't like kids."

"You're just impatient. I'm willing to teach you a thing or two."

"Yeah? " Anko turned bitter, "when do you think you'll be free? Next spring?"

He rolled his eyes, wearily resting his forehead on her shoulder. "Not this again."

"Kakashi," She became annoyed with his lack of emotion, holding the sides of his face with both hands. "listen to me. Think of all the fun stuff we'll be missing out on. You don't have to.."

"Don't," He cut her off, because he was tired of hearing it already. She didn't agree with him, and that was fine. He was a man who had learned to accept plenty of things as years went by. He understood respectful disagreements, he understood his own hesitance, and most of all, he understood exactly what he was doing. And he didn't need her to tell him he was killing himself with responsibility. Out of all the times he cheated death and almost didn't make it.. he was sure he could get out of this one alive.

"You can still change your mind."

He was tense under her touch, getting a hold on her elbows. They had had so many different versions of the same conversation. But he was going to explain it again. Slowly. "Look. I promise. Everything will be fine."

 _She was worried about that bastard and he didn't even give a damn_! "So you're really gonna do it, then."

"Hey, someone has to," Kakashi let her hands fall, lost in self-assurance. Was he supposed to change his mind the night before or something? "I'm not like you, Anko. I'm careful. Nothing's going to happen."

"Are you saying I'm not careful?" She suddenly felt short of breath, pleading with herself to stay calm. She wasn't going to cry in front of anyone. Especially not then. She was doing so well keeping it together. She wouldn't risk his opinion of her. She was not some weak little girl. The last person she had cried in front of had been.. well, it had been so long ago that it wasn't even worth fucking mentioning.

"I did imply that, yes," He almost flinched when her grip strengthened on his wrists.

"Why am I so nervous for _you_?"

"I don't know," Kakashi didn't budge, lost in self-assurance. She didn't look like she believed him, so that was hard to see. Why was he the only one believing himself? "I'll be fine."

Anko didn't speak for what seemed like eternities, working her fingers underneath his gloves to reach bare skin. She hated him for being so stubborn, so unyielding.. a confidence she loved to express in herself, but too hard to embrace in others. He just wouldn't understand that she was scared to death of losing him. He was used to being on the other end, protecting comrades and not always putting himself first. She told herself that he must _like_ being alone. He must want rid of her. Why did he have to be good at everything he did? Maybe if he weren't someone so adaptable, maybe if he had known what it was like to stay down after being pushed around, if he knew what it was like to have no trust to spare.. they could go back to being colleagues, _just_ Kakashi Hatake and _just_ Anko Mitarashi. Convenient lovers, nothing more. Freely enjoying their company and dumb predictability. She almost wanted to hate him. He was the reason their relationship would have to survive over Konoha, behind heavily guarded doors. If everything could only stay the same.. she wouldn't be so scared of falling in love with him.

"I want to make this village proud. I want to build it back up to where it was before, give people a future they can count on. That includes you," He paused thoughtfully, "if you'll let me."

Anko traced her fingers over half-healed blisters, trying to find the words to stun them out of a stupidly sappy moment. She might have lost the fight if she tried to hold that notion. He made good sense, so she added that to the list of things she hated.

She had her why, he had his reason, but neither of them understood.

The memory of blue electricity flying from his hand haunted her vision with a suddenness, and she startled the both of them when she jumped. The memory of him lashing out at her, pieces of crushed wall collapsing around them. And for a second, she could have sworn she saw killer intent behind those black eyes.. No.. what was that? Was she really fucking crazy? She was seeing things now? Was she that sleep-deprived? Was there something messing with her mind?

"What's wrong?"

She could have sworn she felt a heat, as if the two of them touching had produced a spark.. it brought her back to that nightmare. That awful, gut-wrenching nightmare. She had never had one like it before.

"Did you... I just.. Nothing. It was nothing.."

He seemed to let his guard back down as easily as it went up, not in the mood for the usual back and forth. "You're funny sometimes, Anko."

* * *

"Milady! Do I need to remind you again? You cannot behave like this on such a day, not this day, of all days.. you simply cannot! Do you understand?" Shizune fought with Tsunade over chilled bottles, losing as the blonde held one high to propose a toast.

"Calm down, Shizune! It's my last hour as Hokage and I will make damn sure it's celebrated!"

"Fine, but no more after this, okay?"

"Alright, ladies!" Tsunade boomed so that the entire bar could hear needlessly, "hours of preparation aside, weeks of delay, and forthcoming months.. Cheers to infinite years of prosperity and grace under new leadership!"

"Let me spare you all the tearful farewell.. I know how difficult it will be to replace a great someone such as myself.."

"She's hilarious," Anko whispered to Kurenai behind her menu.

"It won't be easy to live up to those standards," The other kunoichi agreed, "Kakashi is nowhere near the strong personality."

"I know, right?"

"Are you two gonna cheers or not? I have places to be!"

So they cheered to whatever it was. Anko had been listening to some of the conversation, but she was spaced out after a few drinks. She was just happy to have something to celebrate. After stressing on Kakashi's behalf, she felt about ten years older. And she couldn't afford to get any older before her time..

"Anyways, like I said, the crowd will be impossibly huge. When I say everyone, I do mean everyone," Tsunade rambled on, "I remember this day all too well. Hmm.. poor sucker."

"Konoha Eleven should be in attendance," Kurenai didn't call for refills like the other women.

"What's left of them, I guess," Anko chimed in with depressing news, bringing the atmosphere down a peg. Was Kakashi rubbing off on her so soon? He had many positive characteristics that were admirable, but _God_ , she did _not_ want to think like him. She paused to think about the Konoha Eleven. Kids.. they would always be considered kids in her book. "What about that Uchiha anyway?"

"I can't imagine he'd miss it," Tsunade leaned back, nonchalantly sliding her shirt up to cover the excessive cleavage she hadn't noticed had been showing. "He _is_ Kakashi's student."

"Oh, right," She laughed when nobody said anything, "since when did he come back to the village? He never did, did he? So what was he for all those years?"

Anko stole another drink as more were gestured for. Nobody wanted to respond to that.. She figured the boy had to outgrow traitor status along with his previous teacher. Their _shared_ former teacher. She wondered how much was the same and how much had differed compared to the time she was taught. If she got to see more of his technique, she could've weighed in more. Kakashi cared about him, that much was clear, but she couldn't say the same. He was talked of highly by many. Disregarded was the fact that he left to train under a walking menace to society. However, Anko could empathize with the incredible want and quest for power. That promise seemed to be typical for the unsuspecting souls. She had just never decided to abandon her morals completely.. she had never turned her back on a village that meant so much. She had to hold that against him.

"He's a good threat to have on our side," The Fifth said of Sasuke, sending for appetizers. Her tone sounded skeptical nevertheless. "don't worry. He'll make up for his betrayal."

She turned her head just in time to lock eyes with aforementioned Uchiha. An intimidating, spine-chilling gaze that was capable of breaking spirits. He was far enough away to be out of earshot, but close enough to where that glare.. and it _was_ a natural gifted glare.. enough to kill her buzz. She wasn't used to such hateful looks. She was only slightly more accustomed to giving them. And she knew exactly where he had learned.

"Anko," Kurenai nudged her, "are you alright?"

Blood froze in her veins as she took in the sight of the duo, former student and former teacher. Right there, right in her line of splendid perception.

 _What the fuck do you think you're lookin' at, kid_?

She waited for the words to come out, not expecting to be first to sever the stare. Orochimaru never changed. The same yellow topaz irises, the same ebony hair against an ivory skin tone. Age had not made him any less fearsome.

"Good afternoon, ladies."

It was only her world that had stopped spinning. She could practically hear the adrenaline racing up to suffocate her insides. And then her eyes finally left Sasuke.

The blonde greeted with more tease than anything. "So even you wouldn't miss the show, huh."

"Did I miss yours?" He asked, voice tingling with sarcasm. "still a little upset, I see."

She couldn't hold back any longer, she couldn't take that glare.. It was just like her youth all over again. "What business do you have here?"

"Anko," Tsunade tried to diffuse, keeping a close watch between them.

It felt like the first time he had ever listened to her, but he always looked sadistically pleased with any confrontation. He seemed _extremely_ pleased with her reaction as he repeated the same line. "Still a little upset, I see."

"You son of a bitch."

"Why are you never happy to see me any more?" Orochimaru said listlessly, as if he lost sleep over it. "is that any way to treat your once-esteemed mentor?"

Anko had been on her feet since the first acknowledgement. There was nothing that would stop her from making that bastard regret his existence. Those words were like a trigger.. Something she'd heard before. _Why are you never happy to see me any more_?

Sasuke raised his arm instantly, ever so sure of himself. As a threat to her.. A barrier, some unbelievable act. Damn well determined to protect a waste of space like Orochimaru.

"Get the fuck out of my way, brat," She growled, clashing metal against his sword without another moment's notice.

 _How dare he_. Little traitorous, Orochimaru-clone, backstabbing Uchiha son of a bitch. _Shit_ , was she sick of hearing about Uchihas. Playing bodyguard to a worthless murderer that she knew better than him. And why was it his place to step in anyways? She would slice through him just to get to Orochimaru. And she wasn't like Konoha; she could give no less of a damn if he was the last surviving of his clan. Especially after that. Like two renegades in one, disgusting, faithless partnership.

"Sad to see only Sasuke is still loyal to me," Orochimaru pretended to look hurt, "but I suspect you are as well. Under that resentful exterior, perhaps."

"Compare me to that traitor again," She slammed her fist on the table for dramatic effect, glass immediately shattering at their feet. "I dare you."

"Enough of this!" Tsunade stepped in, threatening to both sides. As if they were children. "I've heard enough. Separate. Now."

Those dreams she kept having.. Or could they be hallucinations? Nightmares? Whatever the hell they were, she was almost positive he was responsible.

"Trash roaming the village pretty openly now, I see," Anko couldn't resist one last snide comment. "why don't you go somewhere you're wanted?"

"Maybe the _trash_ was invited by a particular Hokage."

She didn't need to look back to know he was giving purposely vague hints. And suddenly, she was free of her plans for the day.


	10. In the Blood

_"It's a nice night out."_

 _"..."_

 _"Kakashi?"_

 _"Mm.."_

 _"Don't you think it's a pretty night?"_

 _"I suppose," He finally agreed with her, dropping the kunai he had been using for target practice._

 _She rested against a tree, watching him in a bored manner. "So why are you out here all alone?"_

 _He answered with silence, and she could tell there was something weighing on his mind. Something depressing, surely. She doesn't work hard to understand his moods._

 _Sne really hated that. When he had the personality equivalent to a stump._

 _"Kakashi.." The sky grew blacker and blacker with each second. She tried a gentle approach first. "I haven't seen you in a while."_

 _He finally turned toward her, right eye hooking the two. "I know."_

 _"You're **so** busy," Anko crossed her arms, forever annoyed by his nature. She sighed. "and you'd rather be out here playing in the dark than spending time with me. Okay, seems fair." _

_She misunderstood. He can't express to her how much he needed to be alone. Why he wanted to be alone. Why he must be alone. Why fending off his thoughts was a daily obstacle. Why he regularly denied her his company._

 _To not burden somebody else with his problems._

 _It would only affect her negatively._

 _It's impossible to be there for the both of them sometimes._

 _He knows she doesn't need him but.. he doesn't want to stop seeing her. The little of the part she played in his life.. he liked to believe she did need him._

 _Because he was about to break that rule._

 _"Say something, for God's sake," She became frustrated easier than most women, barely able to make out his form. "what's wrong with you? Why are you so calm all the time? Do you have any more emotions? I swear you don't do anything except read garbage books and hang out with those brats."_

 _Used to her jealousy by then, these assertions didn't offend him. He never stopped listening, though._

 _"And when they're not around, you jump at the chance to be by yourself."_

 _"It was a waste of my time to even **find** you," Anko dusted herself off and rotated swiftly on her heel. It was a waste of breath. Fuck him. He wanted to be alone, well, he could have that and more. He was too annoying to deal with. "I'm going home." _

_He apparently had the ability to piss someone off by barely saying anything._

 _"What do you think Orochimaru's true intentions are?"_

 _She halted in place. That name always got her attention._

 _"With Sasuke," Kakashi fixated, waiting on her reaction. He didn't know of anyone better to ask._

 _"I don't know. What makes you think he told me?" Anko simply shrugged, staring at the moon. "Your guess is as good as mine."_

 _"Please, Anko," He wished she would turn around. "you know him better than most."_

 _She wondered how long he'd been holding his curiosity in. How long it took him to work up the courage to ask her. Why he cared so much in the first place. Why he troubled himself with something he had no control over. She couldn't help but be brutally honest. "He's a pawn who's being used as speak."_

 _"Orochimaru's interest in Sasuke is obsessive."_

 _"Orochimaru is a bastard," Anko doesn't step around feelings. "and if he wanted to kill your little student, he would have by now. He fucking won't, okay? He has some ulterior motive concerning Uchihas, obviously. His bloodline is too valuable to be killed off."_

 _She took a breath._

 _"It's something he's after_ — _the kid should be ready to get tossed aside once he's of no more use to him. Just go ahead and accept his death for what it is."_

 _"Sasuke will not die," The Sharingan user maintained, "..Do you think he would let him go willingly?"_

 _"I don't think he'd have to," She spoke on impulse, "Sasuke is a traitor, Kakashi. You should come to terms with this. He left, he stayed gone, he doesn't want to be found. He doesn't care about you or this village. It's over."_

 _"He's a little.. misguided."_

 _She spun around at last._

 _"He's an entitled little prick who only has his own interest in mind."_

 _Kakashi doesn't dispute her, shockingly enough. Because if you put it very bluntly, she wasn't wrong. He couldn't take the blame for the Uchiha's actions, but he also couldn't deny the feeling of responsibility for his former student. Always failing to be a good influence, he tried to ignore it. But he had to ask the right questions._

 _He can't ignore the torn-up look in her eyes._

 _"I know how this goes, believe me," Anko was terribly insistent. "Sasuke is just his newest pet."_

 _"Anko," He closed his eye, opening it again slowly. Her hatred was consuming. "don't you_ — _ever think of forgiving Orochimaru? For what he's done? I mean, wouldn't it be easier on you?"_

 _She gave him a dumbfounded gawk. Did he seriously just ask her that? If she would forgive someone who had brainwashed her from the beginning? Someone who turned on her at the last moment? Someone who made her feel like she was useless? Someone who continued to lie and cheat innocent people? Someone who dedicated himself to destroying freedom and a home she loved? Someone who had the chance but never apologized? Only **he** could think of asking something so out of the blue.._

 _"No, Kakashi. I don't."_

 _He said nothing for a long while, knowing better than to push the subject. ".. Do you think he'll ever come back?"_

 _"It's been over two years now," She felt somewhat bad for him, but it's a sympathy she can't express aloud. He's so pitiful in such moments. She hated how he brought up shit that couldn't be changed. Couldn't he accept it for what it was and move on? She hadn't yet, but she was trying. He should understand better than anyone that the past couldn't be changed. Just painfully accepted and occasionally looked back on._

 _It wasn't her fault he blamed himself. But still, she wanted say something to make him feel better, to let him know it wasn't his fault, offer him some kind of consolation.. but she didn't._

 _"You should get some sleep."_

 _The senior_ _Jōnin seemed stuck in a world faraway, and she lost the will to snap him out of it quickly. He could sense the impatience. Any moment now._

 _"Come on, Kakashi."_

 _Two worn out, emotional souls._

 _"I think I'll stay right here."_

 _Anko was above begging him to act reasonable. He wouldn't get the answers he wanted to hear from her._

 _"Fine."_

 _Could he get any more contrary?_

 _Kakashi half-expected her to continue arguing, to convince him, to stick around and comfort him, to stay when they both wanted to leave._

 _But she doesn't and he was only a little disappointed to see her go._

 _He's used to that._

 _"Good night."_

* * *

 _How could he do this to her_?

Better question.. how could someone do this to anybody? With no deliberation or warning whatsoever? Was it some foolish strategy? Was it a whimsical decision made to humiliate her? To reap his revenge for all the things she'd said against his students in the past? She refused to believe it.

"Move, dammit!"

Genma and Raidō however, do not move, and her fury only became more obvious.

"Anko," Raidō didn't know of her problem, but he no longer had the luxury of caring. "you cannot pass. The Hokage is-"

She gathered his vest into her right hand harshly, not taking into account their height difference. "Listen here, you have about three more seconds to fucking move! I'm not messing around with you guys, this is a serious matter. I need to see Kakashi personally. Right now."

"For what exactly?" Genma backed her off his partner, "what's so important?"

"None of your concern!"

He was sure it could wait. "Fine, then don't pass."

 _Damn_.

She was seconds short of throwing herself at the door and not asking for entry. _No, that would draw too much attention_. She had drawn enough attention to herself for one day. And it wasn't like her to just give up, but..

Maybe it was best that she didn't confront him with two bodyguards and such a hot head.

Why should she throw Konoha into a last-minute state of frenzy? Relying on something as unpredictable as her emotions..

Logic is what stopped her.

 _Orochimaru is back in the village._

That should have been enough. But they already knew of her past and she wouldn't be able to get them to move willingly. And plus, it was two against one.

 _Later, then_.

Fuck this, honestly. Is that how it would be from then on out? Reinforcements around 24/7? Hell, she knew that was how it'd be from the start. And as good as she was at sneaking around, she wasn't going to play twenty questions.

"Put in an urgent word that I wish to speak with him."

"We can do that," Genma spoke strictly on business, thankful she no longer pressed the issue. Doesn't explain the fact the Sixth would need to be under heavier surveillance the first few weeks anyway due to security reasons. Because he assumed she already knew. "see you at the ceremony."

She doesn't bother to correct him.

Anko was fuming visibly as she stormed her way out of the tower, intercepting the reformed Team Seven before they could slip in behind her.

"Stop right there."

"Uhh, A-A-Anko, hi, how's it going!?" Naruto stumbled over his words, cowering behind Sakura as if facing ten live snakes in the flesh. She still frightened him to no end, and any other time she would have been flattered. Good to see his perception of her hadn't grown much.

"Naruto," The authoritative tracker began, ignoring the other two, particularly the cheerful greeting from the female. "hello."

"You look good today, sensei!" He said sheepishly, "Not overly scary or anything like that, hahaha!"

 _These kids_. From a first glance, they were nothing special. The Uchiha survivor was forever brooding, seeming unfazed as could be by the threats made against him mere hours before. He wasn't a big talker, but she could tell he was the sharpest of the bunch. To deflect her sudden movement so quickly.. those eyes. Yes, it must have been those eyes. She had forgotten and underestimated him.

The girl was too nervous, awkwardly positioned in the middle of the two boys as if tasked with keeping them grounded. She gave the impersonal one a smile now and again, trying to gauge his reaction.

And the Uzumaki was.. well, _too_ Uzumaki. Annoyingly Uzumaki.

To Anko, it's a team that had clearly stopped being a team years ago.

Kakashi had put them above her so often, she can't help but wonder what there was to be too crazy about. But _that one_.. he was surely destined to be the next Hokage.

"Calm down, kid," Anko stepped toward them, "I just need you to relay a message on to your beloved teacher."

"About Orochimaru?"

Her focus closed in on Sasuke, boasting a dangerous tone. "Bodyguard to everyone now, are you?"

Naruto looked back and forth with a confused expression. "What..?"

"Quiet," Sakura shushed him.

Sasuke didn't back down, fearsome eyes capturing hers. He was not the same kid he was at the Chūnin Exams, and the proctor no longer intimidated him like before. "Well, am I wrong?"

"I'd be careful around here, Sasuke," Anko enlightened, "a majority of this village still views you as a traitor, no matter what Kakashi says. Speaking of, you're lucky to have such a valuable connection. Just know he won't be the only say so in Konoha. You hear me? Your name will never be cleared completely. Labels don't wear off easily, so just remember that. Step down from your high horse before somebody knocks you off."

He settled for silence, knowing better than to make waves with someone of her status. He couldn't get afford to get on anyone's bad side yet. Her threats went empty against him, regardless.

"It won't be me," She smirked evilly, hiding a tinge of sarcasm. So he didn't have much to say, after all. "I'm the least interested in you, don't worry. That old mentor of yours is an entirely different story."

If there was anyone she desperately wanted to knock off their high horse, it was Orochimaru.

Satisfied with these final words, she peacefully cleared their way. "Have a nice day—Team Seven."

"Wait!" Sakura called out after her. "what about.. your message?"

"On second thought," Anko raised her hand halfway, walking by them leisurely. "never mind that. I'd hate to cast a shadow on his big day."

"Come to think of it, I'd rather deliver the message myself."

She doesn't mind the suspense buildup.

 _Good_.

* * *

It's like eternities have gone by before nightfall. Everything had been closed due to the ceremony and she made herself wait it out in a more deserted part of town. Such important events were global. The celebratory cheers still rang in both ears. But she doesn't regret missing out.

She had lived to see a few in her lifetime, after all.

Nothing was that special about the process.

Still, she waited for hours.

The agitated sniff at her feet was hardly surprising.

But luckily, she knew a thing or two about tracking herself. Because most of their scent was probably lurking, she had ditched her usual kunoichi attire in favor of Konohagakure's standard uniform. She hoped she inconvenienced him to the fullest extent.

But she didn't want to make herself _too_ hard to find.

 _That's right, she just had to make him come to her_.

"Finally found you," The ninken panted, "took long enough."

"Yes. Well done, mutt."

They exchanged forthright glares before the summoning could be released, and she felt simmering anger resurface to a boil.

Feelings were never so hard to repress.

"No wonder you were so difficult to locate," He sounded more worried than annoyed. "Anko."

So there she was, face to face with the newest Hokage.

She wondered if his team had brought up her name.

"Oh, yeah, my bad."

"I was told you needed to speak with me," Kakashi made an ignorant stride closer, overlooking the way she jerked back. "what's wrong?"

 _Just try and touch me, you bastard_.

"Lose the obnoxious hat, won't you?"

"Really," He was relieved to be out of the spotlight, removing the stringy hat with his palm. "I was sure you'd like it."

"What took you so long?"

"Genma informed me a little late, but I had to stay a lot longer than expected."

 _That was it, huh_.

She had to settle for less.

"Hey, you're a busy man now," Anko's eyebrows knitted together, "don't pretend to worry yourself over me."

He started to ask before deciding against it. Figured she was just being dramatic again. "Well.. how did you think I was?"

"How did I think you were?" She sprung to her feet. How long did he plan on playing dumb? She _wanted_ him to break that damned seal of calmness, for once.

"—Yes."

"Really," Anko laughed vindictively, "you think I actually went?"

"You.. didn't?"

If she weren't so caught up in her own animosity, she would have cared to note how he seemed more desolated than angry. But she didn't care. His expression gave her a morbid satisfaction. The proper amount she needed to continue.

Because she was hurt, too.

"I can't imagine you not being there. Even after how you behaved all this time."

"Believe me, Kakashi," Anko snapped, "I wasn't. Looks like you'd rather have somebody else there instead."

He didn't need much convincing, and his hardened eyes were enough to bore holes through her.

 _Fuck, don't lose it now_.

He wouldn't make her feel bad any more.

"You know, I couldn't imagine you doing what you did to me, either."

He unfroze, treating her with the best cold shoulder.

"To let a criminal back into the village without asking me first.." They could scowl at each other all night, if that's what he wanted. "you never asked how I felt, so why should I care how you feel? I guess I was wrong about you all these years."

"Since when do I need to ask your permission?"

Anko backfired instantly, "I can't believe you! So that's—that's how you want it, huh?! You're all high and mighty since you're the Sixth Hokage now, right?"

He doesn't move a muscle, preparing for her worst.

"Go to hell, Kakashi! I knew this sort of self-righteousness would only come from you!"

"Anko," He had heard enough of her outburst, but the look of betrayal is what winds up hurting him the most. "let me explain."

"Orochimaru hasn't changed. You're stupid to think he won't fuck this village over in the end!"

"So I'm confirming your doubts already?"

It was answering a question with another question that broke her.

She had finally seemed to put a well-earned crack in his barrier.

"How could you do this to me?!" She demanded sullenly, "Why would you do this to me.."

 _Did he want to destroy her_? Mentally, inside and out?

"You're overreacting."

"Don't you dare tell me how to feel!" Anko only then came to the realization she was wiping tears on her sleeve vigorously. So that was why he sounded so apprehensive. Because they both knew she couldn't do anything. It was literally the worst part. Her stubbornness had gotten the best of her, and there was no going back now. _He was the fucking Hokage now_. He never had to care about her feelings back then, and for that matter.. never again, but the fact that he made it seem like he did.

"Because I never told you.."

He expected her to shove him back when he reached out, watching as her aggression transformed into agony within seconds.

"Just tell me why.." She cried, collapsing momentarily against him in an effort to push herself away. "please—just tell me why."

"I'm not thinking of myself, Anko," He wanted to touch her, to console her, to stop her pain. But he doesn't. "I'm only thinking in the best interest of the village."

"And yours."

She opened her eyes, leaving his shoulder stained with hot tears. She was sure she didn't deserve that. _Her best fucking interest_?

" _You_ listen," Anko cried vehemently, "I'll never work things out with that son of a bitch!"

Kakashi stepped back, fully understanding he was fighting a losing battle at that point. "Well, it's a shame you feel that way."

"You're damn right," She had seen every shade of red if possible by then, "I'll be honest, I had my doubts all along. I just hope you realize that Uchiha is only playing to your feelings because you're the one at the top. As if he never chose Orochimaru over you years ago."

"Don't go there right now, Anko. This has nothing to do with Sasuke."

He had always preferred those students over her.

It had hurt her the most back in the day.

"Choose them over me for the last time," She wasted too much breath to go on screaming, "just twist the knife and make it clear that you never respected my feelings."

"As you never respected mine."

Anko was done, then. She had been done. She had been done listening, crying, accusing, insulting.. all of it. But to say she never respected his feelings when she had done just that in the end.

And she had trusted him.

She wasn't the one who broke it.

"You're already making every wrong decision, Kakashi."

They didn't go after each other.

"I hope you forgive me, Anko," He said at last, long after she made her exit obvious. Her words stuck with him like a wretched virus. "I wish you could see things differently."

But he wasn't sorry.


	11. Searching

_She had her why, he had his reason, but neither of them understood_.

The walls shook furiously at the force of the picture frame, shards of glass scattering around the floor. This was all _his_ fault.. she just has to get this anger out.

Or she'd do something really stupid..

Why did he have to come back? Now, of all times?

Was this spite? If so—she could say with utmost confidence that Kakashi had won.

She had always been good at those games in the past. And she swore she understood such emotions... the whole barrel and more. Hatred, pain, suffering, angst, but the hate.. That was always the strongest feeling.

Forgiveness was never her go-to and she couldn't just turn a blind eye.

How could someone like Orochimaru make Kakashi willing to betray her so easily? Wasn't he supposed to be the smart one? She made her feelings clear long before they were involved, and to make things worse.. She cared for him. She actually fucking cared for him..

For the first time, Anko actually regretted letting Kakashi Hatake become close to her. She wished she had never given him a chance.

It wasn't as if she hadn't fallen victim to the expert of manipulation himself.. but Kakashi had made it obvious to her on multiple occasions that he thought unlike anyone else. So then.. why? She wasn't interested in explanations. She never had the patience for them.

She _never_ did, even as a child. For her, there _were_ no good explanations.

Explanations always turned out to be scarring and traumatizing excuses.

It became impossible to sleep and nights were never so drug out.

Bouts of insomnia recurred from her past—at the most random hours.

 _'This is wrong. I'm not the one who should be sorry.'_

 _Maybe she had been a little too harsh on him.._

She refused to accept the fact that things wouldn't go back to how they were before.

 _What a fucking mess._

Keeping herself awake is a chore in itself, but anything is preferable compared to the nightmares that continue to ruthlessly rack her dreams.

Anko never wanted to have another dream like **_that_ ** one.

It had been too surreal.

Suffer, kill, fall, torture.. snapshots of dead, reanimated eyes lurching forward to land a devastating blow. Nothing had horrified her like that in a while...

She can still remember the icy feel of the bodies. Dismembered organs and a blanket tarped over the face where she was permitted to work.

The corpses never scared her, especially after she closed their eyes. Plus, they were simply donors of science. At least, that was what she was told.

She didn't question their identities ever. She always obeyed her superiors.. But she wished she had done things differently, looking back.. and it's like all those people were counting on her to bring justice in some sense.

 _"Oh, but you're such a bitter girl, Anko. When are you going to forgive yourself?"_

She couldn't.

 _"He stole you from me, that's why."_

She would never grasp the possible meaning of that, even deep within her subconscious. He could never see things that way. _Impossible._

Anko couldn't tell if it was the exhaustion, sleep deprivation, or a combination of both.

And when she least expected it, memories flood back and piece together more of the past she had been forced to forget.

Reliving experience after experience, each grueling training session, each hidden lie he said that always had underlying meaning.

 _"Well done," He praised her improvement on summoning techniques, "you're coming along better than I thought."_

 _"Oh, c'mon!" She panted, limbs shaking from overexertion. She was trying so hard to be acknowledged back then. Does he even care about how hard she's pushing herself? As his number one student, she wanted to impress him more than anything. "Just better? I want to be the best! Teach me new stuff!"_

 _"What makes you so eager, Anko? You're already surpassing your teammates in ability alone."_

 _"I wanna be like you, Sensei!"_

 _"And why is that?"_

 _"Because you're **so** cool," Anko said insistently, "you're one of the Legendary Sannin. You know everything about being a powerful shinobi."_

 _"I mean, you're strong enough to be Hokage one day. Wouldn't that be amazing?"_

 _"You think highly of the Hokage," Orochimaru pocketed both hands in his flak jacket. "isn't that right?"_

 _"Well, duh!" She circled him hyperactively, "he's only the strongest ninja out there. Plus, he has to protect the whole village! What's more important than that?!"_

 _"Knowledge."_

 _"Huh?"_

 _"Coupled with power, of course," He added solemnly, "and control. You'll learn this lesson soon enough. The position of Hokage is all about being in control."_

 _"Then why.."_

 _"I regret ever considering that overrated title. In fact, my time here has ran its course long ago."_

 _"What do you mean by that?"_

 _"So many questions," Orochimaru never promised to answer them. "I won't leave you behind, Anko. Not only are you my most promising student, but you are vital to completing the multiple experiments I'm conducting. You want to be useful, don't you?"_

 _"Um, sure, I guess."_

 _They smile at each other, and for a moment, she forgot about it all._

 _She wondered why he always seemed to be hateful toward the Hokage, toward his teammates, toward his colleagues.. How had she ignored such an aura?_

Anko then wondered if he truly felt remorse for his actions. If he smiled at her because she was a tool to be used at his disposal, or if he ever genuinely cared about her well-being as his student. If he had ever been sorry for treating her like that..

 _"Why wouldn't I look after my best student?_ "

Orochimaru _had_ refused to kill her back then, so that was the only clue she had to go off of.

It was the tortured memory of never knowing. He was fucking sick in the head. And he hated that she had the will to say no. To ever be someone who would question loyalty to their teacher.. yes, that had to be the reason.

 _She wished he would have went through with it, sometimes._

Anko awoke with a jolt, sending herself into a near whiplash.

No more sleeping that night.

* * *

He's convinced that over the past few days that feel like stretching and endless months, he's seen more of files and beige nothingness than the outdoors or absolutely anything else. ' _You never get to leave office, do you? Well, what did I expect?'_

Stacked up to the eyeballs with paperwork, mission reports, politics, meetings, secret codes..

Kakashi had never welcomed numbness with such open arms. Unbelievably fucking tiring.. How could anyone survive this job? Was he just getting old? Was everything really crashing down on him so suddenly? Well, on much more conscious thought, he had brought it on himself knowingly...

 _'Really? You think I actually went?'_

Her words rush back to him in random spurts, knocking him out of his stupor.

She stayed on his mind through it all, somehow. Since that night, he couldn't forget that coldness in her tone. Resentment, hatred, mistrust.. everything he was working to get rid of. Everything he had been against for so long..

As if his nerves weren't already on maximum overload.

So he buried himself into a deeper spiral of fatigue and stress. Back and forth, back and forth.

His office now was forever dark, and he couldn't tell for anything whether it was day or night. The curtains were a nice touch.

Every once in a while, he heard voices around him. And footsteps.. heavy, light, staggered paces. Other times, he allowed the desk to act as his prop. His eyes would close, but..

 _"Kakashi?"_

It must have been daylight out. No, night.. maybe dawn? He must have lost track of the clock again..

 _"I guess I was wrong about you all these years."_

Something so simple as an opinion had never bothered him so much. But Anko wasn't one to sugarcoat things. She had hit him hard with venom-filled words. Intentions like hers were never foreign to him but nevertheless—it was painful to retaliate, and he almost wishes he hadn't. He wanted to hate her for the things she said to him. She was wrong. She was the one who misunderstood. He had not been thinking of himself. He wished he could have convinced her to listen.

If only he knew if she meant what she said. Should he even risk his pride long enough to know? Would he want to know?

 _"How could you do this to me?!"_

Kakashi had ignorantly expected less of a reaction.

But if she could let an unresolved past interfere in their relationship so strongly, if she could toss him to the side after all these years.. then he was truly the one who lucked out.

 _"You're already making every wrong decision, Kakashi."_

Was he already doing _that_ bad? Would he let everyone down eventually? Was it in his head.. or was she right?

It hurts him to think that.. she might actually be right.

"Kakashi."

His head shot up from the edge of the desk, vision going gray for half a second. Unaware of how faded in and out of consciousness he was, the question drowned him of his mind mercilessly.

 _'Then I **have** been sleeping..'_

So why did it still feel like he hadn't in days?

Wait..

That voice sounded like _—was it her?_

 _Anko_?

"I came through to check on you," The former Hokage held the weighty door with three fingers, letting it fall closed. "tell me, how's it going?"

"Lady Tsunade," He was fine with any distraction, wondering why he believed anyone else would enter without asking. He would give her the job back in a heartbeat if she had asked seriously enough. Not that she would. Retirement suddenly sounded like a heaven he was banned from.

"You don't look so well."

"I'm fine," Kakashi said dully, no longer having the energy to stare at fine print or differentiate between what was handwriting, print, or scribble.

"Don't overdo it," She scolded, one hand on each hip. "you don't seem very responsive. Why are you making such a chore out of it?"

His gaze fell downward, onto the documents and papers he would probably never get around to arranging.

"You need some sleep."

 _Not the first one to tell him that_.

"If you go on this way, the village won't have a Hokage," The blonde assaulted him with a cool hand to the forehead, "you're going to wear that new eye of yours out."

"I'm fine."

"You do feel a little feverish," She sighed, pulling her hand back and relenting a bit. "Look, the stress can be overwhelming sometimes. If you let that happen too often, you'll end up hating it. So go home. Get some rest. The village is in good hands with you at the helm. Don't try so hard. We all have faith in you."

Or did some just have more than others, he wondered?

Aspirin and the strangeness of being in his apartment after so long was enough to sap the remaining energy from his bones.

He still didn't know what time it was.

The outline of a wrinkled trench coat sitting jumbled in the corner agitated his fuddled brain. She was quite good at leaving stuff trashed about his place.

Kakashi retrieved the article of clothing hesitantly, grimacing when he caught a whiff of the half-gone liquor bottles it had been hiding.

Damn this woman.

He cursed her only to himself, swirling its contents before raising the brim to masked lips. He held it at eye-level. It was opened, weeks old, and possibly spiked poison if Anko had been drinking it.

He had never considered himself an eager drinker. Socially, he could understand. He found that it could take the edge off of some situations, and usually, he doesn't mind company when it's involved. But he was practical enough to say no when applicable. Regardless, she _was_ his best drinking partner.

She knew that, too.

Even if she won because he never tried.

 _"I win, I win!" She cheered, leaning over him drunkenly. The bitter taste of alcohol lingered on her breath, and she didn't care. She also knew of no thing called personal space. Her lips puckered against his cheek aggressively. "now 'gimme a kiss."_

 _"Anko, please, we're **in** public." _

_"Lose your tone, Hatake! You'd better watch who you're mouthing off to. I'm not one of your punk students."_

 _He smiled, a small smile, but he couldn't resist. She was tough on the both of them._

 _"But it's such a hassle," Kakashi joked, acting as a pillar of some sort when she swayed clumsily. "having to remove this mask every time."_

 _She turned to wild gesticulations when it came to said mask, "Are you kidding me? Well, maybe if you **didn't** wear it like it was fucking glued on!"_

 _He smiled again, this time more openly. He just knew he was gonna have fun dragging her intoxicated ass home._

 _Anko would fight him every step of the way voluntarily. Because that's just how she was. He closed the tab, ignoring protests that were clearly unjustified._

 _It was not his first time playing babysitter to a grown woman. Her moods could be quite the toss-up when she was this way._

 _She looked less than thrilled to have his company then, smacking away his attempt to get her to put her coat back on. "I don't need help from the likes of_ ** _you_**."

 _"Don't be like that," Kakashi moved one hand down one arm to balance her. "what ever happened to the friendly colleague relationship?"_

 _Anko laughed boisterously, stumbling as they made their way out of the small bar. "Yeah, what **ever** happened?"_

 _"Watch your step," He cautioned, trying to support her weight even when she denied him the opportunity. "you realize what time we have to be at the tower, right?"_

 _"Oh, let me have some fun. This world is so shitty." She talked like she had no responsibility whatsoever, as if he didn't already know that life could indeed be shitty._

 _"I'm only worried you won't get up in the morning."_

 _"Oh, please!" Anko flicked her hand dramatically. He almost expected to see a snake fly out of her sleeve. "we're ninjas, for Christ's sake. We rest for maybe six hours a day, if we're lucky!"_

 _Kakashi sighed through his nose audibly. The deflection._

 _"Hey," The Tokubetsu Jōnin said suddenly, "you'll stay the night, won't you?"_

 _How could he say no when she asked so sweetly? Well, sweet for Anko. He would take it as an invitation anyway._

 _"Only if you insist."_

 _She laughed at him for pretending to be trapped in thought._

 _"Don't flatter yourself, Kakashi! I just made you useful. This way, we can make sure I get up in the morning."_

* * *

 _"C_ _ome with me. At once."_

 _She woke up with a start, forcefully trying to rid drowsiness from her eyes. "Orochimaru—Sensei? Is that you?"_

 _"No questions. Just do what I say, Anko."_

 _She noticed that he seemed oddly less composed than usual, as if someone was chasing him—or maybe it was **something**.._

 _"What's going on?"_

 _"Just get ready and let's go."_

 _Anko obeyed at will, gathering herself as best as she could. She had no idea about his clash with the Third, his true intentions, or what he seemed to be running from.._

 _Her friends and the life she had in the Leaf were the furthest things from her mind._

 _'If only I had known better..'_

She was struggling to hold her head upright at that morning's meeting, standing in formation on top of the tower. She did everything besides make eye-contact with Kakashi as he filled them in on repercussions and updated the village's progress. But when she finally dared to look at him, she saw that he didn't look much better than she did.

She couldn't help but still be _so_ furious.

"Hey, you alright?"

Anko felt a nudge, looking over to the line beside hers. She sent Genma Shiranui a short eye-roll. "Yeah, just guessing we should get used to this kind of blandness."

"It _is_ Kakashi, after all."

"But damn. This is putting me to sleep."

"You guys, shhh! Be patient. These things aren't supposed to be interesting, 'ya know."

They snickered in response to a younger team's 'scolding'. "Oh, shut up, scrub! Like your missions will be anything impressive. We're lucky you guys weren't around to hold us back a few months ago."

Raidō piped up from behind Genma, "Go easy on them, Anko. Geez."

"Yeah, fair warning. Watch out. She's good at biting heads off."

She glared at his casual senbon flick, turning her back to the other members. "Piss off, you guys. I didn't sleep well last night and I'm sick of listening."

It was only then that she caught the disapproving but vacant look bestowed upon them by the Sixth. They fell into silence.

"I'd appreciate it if you all could save your private matters for after this assembly, please."

 _What a stiff._ There was so much she could no longer say to him without being inappropriate.

 _'Fuck you, Hatake,'_ She instantly thought, clamping her teeth down against her tongue. It was no longer her place to speak out.

He had addressed them as a group, and she almost laughed out loud at how rattled the younger teams seemed.

They locked eyes ever so briefly, and she hoped the expression read clear as day.

He moved along, careful not to miss a beat.

Anko could only taste the blood that leaked out of her tongue, the one thing besides common sense that kept her from opening her mouth.

* * *

"You requested to see me?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact. This shouldn't take too much of your time. You two gentlemen are free to go, by the way."

The guards dismissed hesitantly, taking care to shut the door behind them.

 _Little pigeons._

"Well, is it too soon to call it a pleasure?"

"Call it what you wish."

"Ah, and congratulations on the smooth transition. I meant to say that to you the other day."

He had to know that he, _of all people_ , knew well in advance as to why he was there. Genuine formalities were certainly new to him, but he could play it off.

They were both masters at holding their own.

"Please, have a seat."

* * *

A/N;; So sorry for the hiatus. Only recently got into a better place to update. Still raving hard with this story line. Appreciate the continued support ^^


End file.
